Different From This Hell I'm Living
by ShannonLee26
Summary: A collection of sometimes overlapping Rachel Jesse fics! Beware: some may be slightly angsty.
1. A Modern Mr Darcy

(AN: I was just so mad at Rachel that I couldn't help myself.)

(2nd AN: Okay, so some of you may be confused. I took this story and my other one, Who Can Say What Dreams Are, and made it into one story, since I have so many Glee scenarios in my brain. There will be others. I actually already have a list of chapter titles if someone wants to write one. Just let me know and I can PM you a few to chose from.)

A Modern Mr. Darcy

Summary: Rachel broke Jesse St. James' heart with the Run Joey Run fiasco. She also broke her own. Can the two find it in them to forgive her?

Jesse St. James walked down the hall confidently even though he was feeling anything but.

"Mr. Schue?"

"Come in, Jesse."

"I'm quitting New Directions."

"Why?"

"Rachel. I can't see her all the time, it's too hard."

"I understand. Believe me, if anybody understands, I do. Are you going back to Vocal Adrenaline?"

"No. I'm staying at McKinley, but I can't stay in Glee."

"Alright, feel free to come to the auditorium any time you feel like singing though. See you in Spanish?"

"Goodbye, Mr. Schue. Thanks."

~X~

Rachel Berry walked into Glee alone. Nobody talked to her any more. Not Tina, Artie, or Mercedes. Jesse, Finn, and Puck still hated her.

"I have an announcement to make. Jesse quit."

"I knew he was a traitor!" Quinn said indignantly.

"He isn't a traitor. He's actually staying at McKinley. He just quit Glee. Honestly, can you blame the guy?" Rachel looked down in shame at Mr. Schuester's look. Is there anybody who didn't hate her?

"Rachel, would you like to go first?" she nodded and whispered her selection to the band.

I watched the proverbial sunrise  
Coming up over the Pacific and  
You might think I'm losing my mind,  
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am  
'cause then you'll see my heart  
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.  
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.  
Stop right there. Well I never should have said  
That it's the very moment that  
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.  
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.  
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again  
'cause who I am hates who I've been.  
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.  
Couldn't keep to myself enough.  
And the things bottled inside have finally begun  
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps  
Synching up to the beating of my heart,  
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,  
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again  
'cause then you'll see my heart  
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.  
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.  
Stop right there. Well I never should have said  
That it's the very moment that  
I wish that I could take back.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.  
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.  
Stop right there. Well I never should have said  
That it's the very moment that  
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.  
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.  
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again  
'cause who I am hates who I've been.  
Who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been  
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.  
Who I am hates who I've been  
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.  
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.  
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again  
'cause who I am hates who I've been.  
Who I am hates who I've been.

During the song, Rachel watched as the Glee club members stood up and left, following Finn and Puck. So, she ran to her car, wrenched open the door and drove home, crying all the way. She turned on her video camera that was used for her daily song updates and started talking.

"Video Diary Day One:

I'm sorry. I just want my not friends to know that. I don't even know why everybody is mad at me. I understand Jesse, Finn, and Puck, but I think that everybody else was just using me for my voice. I'm good and I know it and that's why I act the way I do. I don't understand this need to be popular. It ruined everything!

Why do I always mess up relationships? I don't even have friends. I thought I did for while, but obviously not. I messed up my relationship with Puck. I liked Finn and also refused to give myself to him. Honestly, it was entirely my fault.

Finn, I loved him for so long, but I screwed that up too. I'm too high maintenance for him. He broke up with me.

Then I met Jesse. I fell for him, fast. I almost screwed it up when I refused to give myself to him, but he eventually understood. Then, I was an idiot. I told them all that I wanted to be in a video with them and didn't tell them that I was using all three. It was to make me look popular, but it just made them hate me.

I broke Jesse's heart and I don't expect forgiveness for that. I always screw everything up! Why am I such an idiot?"

Rachel Berry finished her diary entry that she sobbed her way through and posted it on MySpace. She doesn't have any friends except for Jesse, who still hasn't deleted her. She typed a quick email to her ex, Mr. Darcy style.

~X~

Jesse St. James, who has been in a bad mood since the split, went on MySpace and checked Rachel's page. Yeah, he's mad at her, but he still wants to know that she's okay.

_Rachel Berry added a video of herself at 3:00 p.m._

He clicked the play button and watched his ex-girlfriend cry her eyes out during the 'diary entry.'

_One new message!_ his page said. He clicked on the link.

_To: Jesse St. James_

_From: Rachel Berry_

_RE: I don't expect you to forgive me. Just, please, read it to the end._ Against his better judgment, the former Vocal Adrenaline star clicked 'open.'

_Jesse,_

_I know what I did was wrong and I don't want your forgiveness, well, I do. I just don't expect to get it. I just want to tell you everything. Wow, now I feel like Mr. Darcy_

_When we met, I really did like you. My team told me to break up with you and I told them I did. I lied, obviously. Then, they found out and you moved here. They were mad, but eventually accepted you. And everything was okay again._

_The movie was a mistake. I just sometimes need to be popular so much. I don't understand it, but I hated being last on that 'Glist.' I felt like…I don't really know, but it didn't feel good. The star in you understands that, but I know that the Jesse doesn't._

_You gave up everything for me and I messed up. You gave up your home, your friends, your school, your team, everything. And now, you lost me too._

_You quit our Glee club, but I think you should join again. It's your senior year and you should have your shot at Nationals. It was unfair for me to make the video, so it's unfair for you to quit. I'm quitting tomorrow. I'll talk to Mr. Schue. They all hate me anyway, and you are even more talented than I am. None of them are my true friends, they just pretend to be._

_I'm sorry I broke your heart and mine in the process. I think I loved you, but now we'll never know._

_~Rachel Elizabeth Berry._

Jesse was in an even worse mood when he decided to reply.

_To: Rachel E. Berry_

_From: Jesse St. James_

_I'm sorry, Rach, but I'm not ready to forgive you yet. You hurt me and I can't get over that, not yet at least. Maybe someday. I am a star and I do understand, but in my heart, I'm just Jesse. And Jesse gave up everything to be with you._

_I'll rejoin Glee if that's what you really want. I only quit because I couldn't bear to see you all the time._

_I watched your video. It hurts to see that your upset. Yes, you hurt me, but you hurt yourself too. Remember that._

_~Jesse._

Rachel, who had stopped crying at this point, felt the tears run down her cheeks again.

~X~

All too soon, it was time for school. The heartbroken teenager threw on jeans and a t-shirt. It was obvious that something was wrong if you just looked at her. Rachel Berry walked down to Mr. Schuester's office as her ex-boyfriend did just twenty-four hours earlier.

"I quit, Mr. Schuester. Nobody wants me there and then Jesse can join again." She said before running back to her car. She just felt like skipping class today. On the way, she ran into the hard-muscled chest of one Jesse St. James.

"Sorry." She said, before attempting to run away. He grabbed her arm.

"Rachel?"

"Hi, Jesse."

"What are you wearing?"

"Clothes!"

"What happened to the animal sweaters and high-waist skirts?"

"I didn't feel like dressing up today."

"You look awful."

"Thanks? You look pretty terrible too." He did, she noted. His eyes had big purple bags under them and he just looked sad. His clothes were wrinkled and he did not look good!

"I quit Glee. You can go talk to Mr. Schuester. He'll let you back in."

Jesse St. James walked down to the Choir Room after his confusing confrontation with Rachel. She looked terrible and it was his fault.

"Jesse?" Kurt asked, obviously confused.

"Rachel quit so I could join again. It was her idea."

"Maybe Rachel wasn't as bad of a person as we all thought." Mercedes commented.

"I need to show them something." Jesse said to Mr. Schuester. He logged onto his MySpace to show them Rachel's video. They all looked terrible by the time it was over.

"We ar-are so m-mean." Tina stuttered, tears glistened in her eyes.

"Does anyone know Rachel's number? We should have her come back." Mr. Schue said.

"I do," Jesse said. Tina called her and asked her to come back. Jesse was first to sing when she came back, although it is unsure why to the others.

_I think you know what I'm getting at  
I find it so upsetting that  
the memories that you select you keep the bad but the good you just forget_

and even though I'm angry I can still say  
I know my heart will break the day  
when you peel out and drive away  
I can't believe this happened

And all this time I never thought  
that all we had would be all for naught

No, I don't hate you  
don't want to fight you  
know I'll always love you  
but right now I just don't like you  
No, I don't hate you  
don't want to fight you  
know I'll always love you  
but right now I just don't like you  
cause you took this too far

Make your decision and don't you dare think twice  
go with your instincts along with some bad advice  
this didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all  
you blame me but some of this is still your fault

I tried to move you, but you just wouldn't budge  
I tried to hold your hand but you'd rather hold your grudge  
I think you know what I'm getting at  
you said goodbye and I just don't want you regretting that

and wisdom always chooses  
these black eyes and these bruises  
over the heartache that they say  
never completely goes away  
(I just can't believe this happened  
and one day we'll see this come around)

what happened to us  
i heard that it's me we should blame  
what happened to us  
why didn't you stop me from turning out this way  
and know that I don't hate you  
and know that I don't want to fight you  
and know that I'll always love you  
but right now I just don't...

"Sing with us, Rachel?" Kurt asked. She nodded and grabbed the paper Mr. Schue held out.

_Do you know what's worth fighting for?  
When it's not worth dying for?  
Does it take your breath away  
And you feel yourself suffocating?_

Does the pain weigh out the pride?  
And you look for a place to hide?  
Did someone break your heart inside?  
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road  
And you lost all sense of control  
And your thoughts have taken their toll  
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass  
And the hangover doesn't pass  
Nothing's ever built to last  
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own  
When you burned down the house and home?  
Did you stand too close to the fire  
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die  
And you can't get another try  
Something inside this heart has died  
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns  
Lay down your arms, give up the fight  
One, 21 guns  
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Rachel Berry grinned as they sang the song and when it was over, the Glee club disbanded to leave her and Jesse alone.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, Rach."

"Are you going to talk to me or did you just let them call me so I could see you again and feel bad and hurt?"

"You know, you are more of a Drama Queen than I am, Rach." Rachel Berry grinned and hugged Jesse St. James.

"Let's not do that ever again." She said.

"Do what?"

"Break up. I hated it. It sucked." He smirked and kissed her.


	2. Who Can Say What Dreams Are?

Who Can Say What Dreams Are?

Summary: Will Rachel ever want to know her Mom? And what does Jesse have to do with it all?

_Can you come over?_ Fifteen year old Rachel Berry texted to her boyfriend, Jesse St. James.

_On my way,_ was the reply.

Rachel Berry seems like a normal girl to those on the outside, if they don't look too closely. Sure, she has two gay dads. And somehow manages to dress like a toddler and an old lady at the same time. She also is overconfident and has a slightly over bearing personality. But she's still a teenager and she can sing like an angel.

Her boyfriend is like the male version of her, minus the fashion sense and dads. Jesse's eighteen though, and a senior. At first, their love was like a twisted Romeo and Juliet. He was on the opposition. Vocal Adrenaline's coach, Shelby Corcoran, is believed (by the other students at Rachel's school) to have sent him as a spy. He denies it and switched schools so he could be with Rachel.

"I want to find her." She said when he came into her bedroom.

"Can I hear the tape?" Rachel nodded and hit play. 'I Dreamed a Dream' was what came through the speakers and she sang along.

"Rachel, I'm going to tell you the full truth. No interruptions." She agreed and Jesse started speaking again.

"Shelby did send me to you. But not to seduce you, to befriend you. I did that of my own violation. When we were singing, something just clicked." He paused to gauge her reaction. "But I didn't do it to spy. Vocal Adrenaline is too honorable. If we can't win on our own, we don't deserve to win at all."

"Then why did you?" Rachel interrupted.

"Shelby is your mother. She wanted you to know."

"What?" her eyes widened.

"Stop interrupting, Bear."

"Sorry."

"Rachel! I put the tape in the box. She can't come to you until you are eighteen. She signed a contract. But she wants to know you." Jesse stopped talking and Rachel was silent, thinking.

"I want to meet her." She said some time later.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No. I understand that you just wanted to make her happy. And you dated me for me."

"Let's go."

"Where?"

"Carmel. She might still be there. Usually, rehearsals run until about seven." The pair headed to Jesse's sports car and drove to the high school.

"Are you okay, Rach? You didn't even sing along to 'The Guilty Ones' in the car. I know that Spring Awakening is your favorite musical."

"I'm nervous."

He nodded and pulled her out of his car before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. The two walked into the auditorium.

"Jesse?" Ari Thompson, the female lead asked.

"Ms. Corcoran, can we talk to you after rehearsal?" Jesse said, ignoring Ari.

"You may, but you two should show us how your voices sound," she commanded.

"Now can you sing 'the Guilty Ones?'" Jesse asked Rachel.

_Rachel:  
Something's started crazy –  
Sweet and unknown_

_Something you keep  
In a box on the street –  
Now it's longing for a home_

_**Both:  
And who can say what dreams are?**_

_Rachel:_  
_Wake me in time to be lonely and sad_

_**Both:  
And who can say what we are?**_

_Rachel:  
This is the season for dreaming_

And now our bodies are the guilty ones  
Who touch  
And color the hours

Night won't breathe  
Oh how we  
Fall into silence from the sky

And whisper some silver reply

**Jesse:  
Pulse is gone and racing –  
All fits and starts**

Window by window  
You try and look into  
This brave new you that you are

ALL (Including Vocal Adrenaline):  
And who can say what dreams are?

_**Both:  
Wake me in time to be out in the cold**_

ALL  
And who can say what we are?

_**Jesse and Rachel:  
This is the reason for dreaming  
**_  
ALL  
And now our bodies are the guilty ones –  
Our touch  
Will fill every hour

Huge and dark  
Oh our hearts  
Will murmur the blues from on high

Then whisper some silver reply

And now our bodies are the guilty ones –  
Our touch  
Will color hours

Night won't breathe  
Oh how we  
Fall in silence from the sky

Then whisper some silver reply

Rehearsal soon ended. The pair could tell that the members of Vocal Adrenaline were jealous, shocked and worried.

"Ms. Corcoran, I'm your daughter."

"I know, Rachel." the young glee star ran into her biological mother's arms.

Jesse snuck out when Shelby started her story.

"I was eighteen and I just wanted to go to Broadway. Your dads paid enough in those nine months for two years in New York."

"Why didn't you see me?"

"I wasn't even allowed to hold you. I wanted to tell you when I moved back to Ohio, but I signed a contract to not contact you until you turned eighteen." the two stepped out of the embrace.

"Here's my number. Contact me if you need anything." Shelby said.

"Will you sing with me?" Rachel asked.

**I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
When hope was high  
And life worth living  
I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving**

_Then I was young and unafraid  
And dreams were made and used and wasted  
There was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung, no wine untasted  
_  
_**But the tigers come at night**_  
**With their voices soft as thunder**  
_**As they tear your hope apart  
As they turn your dream to shame**_

_And still I dream she'll come to me  
And we'll live the years together  
But there are dreams that cannot be!  
And there are storms we cannot weather_

_**I had a dream my life would be  
So different from this hell I'm living  
So different now from what it seemed  
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.**_

Once the duet was over, Rachel decided to go find Jesse.

"Goodbye, Ms. Corcoran. I'll talk to you soon."

"Call me Shelby. Or Mom." Rachel Elizabeth Berry grinned and agreed before leaving.

"Thank you, Jesse." She said once she found him.

~X~

"Mom!" Eighteen year old Rachel Berry yelled with a smile. "Jesse! What are you two doing here?"

"We came to see you perform at Nationals, honey." She hugged both her boyfriend of over three years and her mother.

"As a treat for you all tonight, we have former Vocal Adrenaline and New Directions star Jesse St. James to sing with Rachel Berry." Rachel looked at Jesse, confusion evident on her face. He walked out to the piano.

**I've been alone with you inside my mind.**

**And in my dreams, I've kissed you lips a thousand times**

**I sometimes see you pass outside me door.**

**Hello, is it me you're looking for?**

_**I can see it in your eyes**_

_**I can see it in your smile**_

_**You're all I've ever wanted,**_

_**And my arms are open wide**_

_**Cause i know just what to say**_

_**And I know just what to do.**_

_**I want to tell you so much, **_

_**I love you.**_

_Oh yeah_

**I long to see the sunlight in your hair**

_And tell you time and time again,_

_How much I care._

_**Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow,**_

_**Hello, I've just got to let you know.**_

'_**Cause I wonder where you are.**_

_**And I wonder what you do.**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely?**_

_**Or is someone loving you?**_

_**Tell me how to win your heart,**_

_**For I haven't got a clue,**_

_**But let me start by saying,**_

_**I love you.**_

_**Is it me you're looking for?**_

'_**Cause I wonder where you are**_

_**And I wonder what you do.**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely?**_

_**Or is someone loving you?**_

_**Tell me how to win your heart,**_

_**For I haven't got a clue,**_

_**But let me start by saying,**_

_**I love you.**_

Then, the college student got down on one knee.

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes." She said, hugging him.

"That's it? Just a yes? You aren't going to make me do some speech, take you out for dinner, or sing?"

"No." the pair walked off stage to the cheers of the audience.

New Directions won Nationals for the third time since Rachel Berry joined and she was happier than she'd ever been.


	3. Lies Become The Truth

Lies Become The Truth

Summary: Will Rachel ever know the truth about the web of lies spun by Jesse St. James ?

I'm sorry was all Kurt's text said. The picture really said it all to Rachel Elizabeth Berry. It was her boyfriend, Jesse St. James, and the coach of Vocal Adrenaline, Shelby Corcoran. It was all the proof the Glee Club needed that he was a spy.

"Let me explain, Rachel," the seventeen year old said the next day.

"Explain what? Explain the fact that you were only using me? Explain that you seduced me for your team to be able to win? Explain that you took my virginity to win another National championship?" she yelled.

"Yes." Jesse whispered.

"Well, I don't want to hear it." Rachel said venomously before storming off. He ran after her.

"Save it, Jesse. You said that I broke your heart with Run Joey Run, but I don't believe you. Just go back to your awful team."

"Vocal Adrenaline is not awful!"

"You would have to be to cheat like that." The stars ran in opposite directions.

-X-

At regionals, Aural Intensity was first. Then New Directions. Vocal Adrenaline was last. Aural Intensity was good, but not good enough to beat the other two teams.  
_  
Papa I know you're going to be upset  
'Cause I was always your little girl  
But you should know by now  
I'm not a baby_

You always taught me right from wrong  
I need your help, daddy please be strong  
I may be young at heart  
But I know what I'm saying

The one you warned me all about  
The one you said I could do without  
We're in an awful mess, and I don't mean maybe - please

_[Chorus:]___

Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep  
Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep  
But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, oh  
I'm gonna keep my baby, mmm...

He says that he's going to marry me  
We can raise a little family  
Maybe we'll be all right  
It's a sacrifice

But my friends keep telling me to give it up  
Saying I'm too young, I ought to live it up  
What I need right now is some good advice, please

_[chorus]___

Daddy, daddy if you could only see  
Just how good he's been treating me  
You'd give us your blessing right now  
'Cause we are in love, we are in love, so please

_[chorus]___

Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep  
Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep  
_[repeat]___

Oh, I'm gonna keep my baby, ooh  
Don't you stop loving me daddy  
I know, I'm keeping my baby. Quinn sang with a smile. They decided to do two ballads, Quinn and Rachel.

_It's strange to think the songs we used to sing,  
The smiles, the flowers, everything,  
Is gone.  
Yesterday I found out about you,  
Even now just looking at you,  
Feels wrong.  
You say, that you'd take it all back,  
Given one chance, it was a moment of weakness,  
And you said yes_

You should've said no,  
You should've gone home,  
You should have thought twice before you let it all go.  
You should've known that word about what you did with her would get back to me.  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind,  
Shouldn't be asking myself why,  
You shouldn't be begging for forgivness at my feet,  
You should've said no,  
Baby and you might still have me.

You can see that I've been cryin',  
Baby you know all the right things,  
To say.  
But do you, honestly,  
Expect me, to believe,  
We could ever be the same.  
You say, that the past is the past,  
You need one chance, it was a moment of weakness,  
And you said yes.

You should've said no,  
You should've gone home,  
You should have thought twice before you let it all go.  
You should've known that word about what you did with her would get back to me.  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind,  
Shouldn't be asking myself why,  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet,  
You should've said no  
Baby and you might still have me..

I can't resist,  
Before you go tell me this,  
Was it worth it,  
Was she worth this.

No, no, no, no.

You should've said no,  
You should've gone home,  
You should have thought twice before you let it all go.  
You should've known that word about what you did with her would get back to me.  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind,  
Shouldn't be asking myself why,  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet,  
You should've said no,  
Baby and you might still have me…

A good portion of the audience could feel the overwhelming undertone of sadness in Rachel's song. Surprisingly, a lot of them cried.

When New Directions got first place, Vocal Adrenaline looked on with regret. It was all for different reasons. Shelby Corcoran regretted what she thought of as too few practice sessions. Jesse St. James regretted letting Rachel go. Ari Thompson, the female lead, regretted a lot of things, but too many to even mention.

Rachel, on the other hand, also regretted Jesse. She glanced at him and saw that he was staring at her with regret and something else in his eyes. She looked around at her celebrating teammates and sighed before walking away.

(Most of the future ones will either explain their past or be set after this one.)


	4. Love Will Never Die

Love Will Never Die

Summary: Rachel and Jesse get an invitation to go back to Lima, but will they go?

Necessary Information: They are around twenty-one and twenty-two. They are engaged, but not married yet. It can take place after either _A Modern Mr. Darcy_ or _Who Can Say What Dreams Are?_

_Ms. Rachel E. Berry and guest are invited to the wedding ceremony and reception of William J. Schuester and Emma N. Pillsbury._

_Please RSVP by Saturday, May 6__th__, 2010. Include the number of guests._

There was an attached note.

_Hi, Rachel. It's Emma. I know we haven't talked in ages and I missed you. You always used to come into my office. It even got to the point where you would call me Emma out of school. I know that you used to consider me a friend and I felt the same about you. I was overjoyed when I found out about your engagement, so feel free to bring Jesse along. I know that the club finally accepted him once he told the full truth and forgave you. Winning Nationals didn't hurt. How's Broadway? I heard that you were both cast in Les Miserables. Congratulations! Will and I will have to come see it sometime. Also, it would be great if you could sing with him at the wedding. I remember how well your voices fill the gap the other's leaves behind._

_Lots of love,_

_Emma Pillsbury (soon to be Schuester)_

"Hey, Jesse, love of my life?"

"What do you want, Rachel?" He said knowing her too well.

"Emma is getting married."

"You want to go." It wasn't a question.

"Please?"

"Alright." He said and the pair made plans to go back to Lima.

~X~

"Are you sure about this? Finn still hates me."

"He doesn't hate you. Okay, maybe a bit." Rachel said to Jesse's raised eyebrows.

"Emma!" Rachel yelled as she went to hug her old mentor and friend.

"Hi, Rachel. I missed you! It's been almost four years!"

"I know. I'm sorry, but we've been so busy with our shows and rehearsals. Hey, Mr. Schue." She added as an afterthought.

"Hello, Rachel. Jesse." Mr. Schuester acknowledged the couple.

"Are you excited, Em?" Rachel asked.

"Come on!"

"What?" the younger girl asked.

"You are in the wedding. Did I forget to tell you?"

"Emma!"

"Sorry, Rach." Rachel Berry was shoved into a pink, old fashioned looking bridesmaid dress and soon had to walk down the aisle. The wedding was amazing, but ended way too soon. Rachel was not the only one to shed a few tears.

"As a special treat for you all, we have Broadway stars Rachel Berry and Jesse St. James to sing a song. Now, Rachel and Jesse have had a complicated relationship. Rachel was sixteen when they met, and the star of our very own New Directions. Jesse, on the other hand was in Vocal Adrenaline. Their Romeo and Juliet relationship didn't deter them and they are now playing opposite each other on Broadway. Actually, ironically enough, they are playing Tony and Maria in West Side Story. They are also engaged. So, please, let's hear it for Jesse and Rachel!"

"Thanks, Emma!"

_I know you, I walked with you  
once upon a dream.  
_**I know you, the gleam in your eyes  
is so familiar a gleam**_  
Yet I know it's true that visions  
are seldom all they seem_

**But if I know you, I know  
what you'll do**_**  
You'll love me at once  
the way you did once  
Upon a dream**_

_But if I know you I know  
what you'll do__**  
You'll love me at once the way  
You did once  
Upon a dream.**_

I know you, I walked with you  
once upon a dream._  
__**I know you, the gleam in your eyes  
is so familiar a gleam  
And I know it's true that visions  
are seldom all they seem  
But if I know you, I know  
what you'll do  
You'll love me at once  
the way you did once  
Upon a dream**_

"I love you, Ems! Congratulations!" The red head hugged the brunette.

"May I have this dance?" Jesse asked Rachel. She nodded and clasped his outstretched hand in hers.

_I'll always remember the song they were playin'  
The first time we danced and I knew  
As we swayed to the music and held to each other  
I fell in love with you_

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner then every night?  
When we're together it feels so right  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

I'll always remember that magic moment  
When I held you close to me  
As we moved together, I knew forever  
You're all I'll ever need

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner every night?  
When we're together it feels so right  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner every night?  
When we're together it feels so right  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

Jesse, of course, sang along. Rachel kissed him gently once the song was over.

"I'm pregnant, Jesse." She whispered into his ear.

"Really?" He asked, joy hinting his voice. She nodded and he swung her around in a circle.

"Can we get out of here?" She asked. He could see her exhaustion.

"Do you want to go back to the hotel?"

"No. Can we go see my dads?"

~X~

"Rachel? What are you doing here?"

"I came for Emma's wedding and brought Jesse." Hiram and Leroy Berry met Jesse a few times. They went to see the show and that's when he asked permission to marry their daughter. "I also found out yesterday that I'm pregnant." Rachel's fathers were excited about their granddaughter or grandson.

"When is the wedding again?"

"Well, actually, it's in a week."

"A week?"

"We got Emma's invitation a few months ago and decided to go ahead and get married while here this week. Everything is planned and we sent out invitations weeks ago." The two men hugged their daughter and future son-in-law.

"What about Shelby?" Her dads knew about her mother, but weren't too happy about it.

"I invited her. She was Jesse's coach and she also is my mother. She already told me she's coming."

~X~

"Are you happy, baby girl?" Hiram asked his daughter later that night when Jesse was taking a shower.

"I am, Daddy. I love Jesse."

"I just have one question. What are you doing about Broadway?"

"Well, we are leaving West Side Story and Broadway for about a year. I'll come back once the baby is a few months old. Jesse doesn't feel right as Tony without me."

"I understand, honey. I'm glad you are finally happy. All your dreams came true."


	5. And Who Can Say What We Are?

And Who Can Say What We Are?

Summary: Jesse always said it was inevitable that Rachel would end up on Broadway. But did the stars-in-the-making really make it?

Necessary Information: Jesse and Rachel split up in High School. It follows 'Lies Become the Truth.' This one is first person because that's how the inspiration hit me.

He always told me that Broadway wasn't a dream. He told me it was an inevitability. I believed him. But I believed he loved me too. The thing was, that I did not trust him, but I trusted his professional opinion. If he said I would make it, I believed I would.

I was twenty-one when I moved to New York. I went to an art school, which one doesn't matter, but I was moving to the city for stardom. I briefly considered going to Hollywood, but I realized that nothing compared to the live crowd we faced at Sectionals, when it was just me, being myself and singing my heart out. It was passionate and hearing their reactions to something _I _did, it fed my soul. My 'agent,' who I called Quinn, yes, Quinn Fabray became a friend of mine and when I moved, she moved with me. Puck stayed in Lima, but is driving or flying up here every few weeks to see the now six year old Beth. He named her. Elizabeth Rachel Puckerman, Beth for short. Quinn and I share an apartment and she told me I could pass as young enough for a new play called 'Spring Awakening.' I went for it, something just felt right.

"Alright, so this is how today is going to go. You will audition individually, singing one song and acting a bit. Then, after lunch, you will come back and audition in pairs, depending on what part you want. If you are just auditioning, then you can still do both. We will let you know about callbacks and casting when we know. It will probably be a few days." The director said.

"Number 37, your turn. State your name, what part you are auditioning for, and what song you are singing."

"I'm Rachel Berry, I'm just auditioning for anybody, and I'm singing _Whispering."_

"Thank you, Ms. Berry. You may continue."

_"Whispering  
Hear the ghosts in the moonlight  
Sorrow doing a new dance  
Through their bone, through their skin_

Listening  
To the souls in the fool's night  
Fumbling mutely with their rude hands  
And there's heartache without end

See the father bent in grief  
The mother dressed in mourning  
Sister crumbles, and the neighbors grumble  
The preacher issues warnings

History  
Little miss didn't do right  
Went and ruined all the true plans  
Such a shame. Such a sin.

Mystery  
Home alone on a school night  
Harvest moon over the blue land  
Summer longing on the wind

Had a sweetheart on his knees  
So faithful and adoring  
And he touched me. And I let him love me.  
So let that be my story

Listening  
For the hope, for the new life  
Something beautiful, a new chance  
Hear its whispering  
There again."

"You have an hour for lunch. Come back at one o'clock and we will introduce you to your partner." I nodded and left the theatre, before eating a quick lunch and returning fifteen minutes later.

"Rachel Berry and Jesse St. James." I dropped my hot chocolate.

"Is something wrong, Ms. Berry?"

"No, nothing." I tentatively started singing.

_Rachel (as Wendla)  
Just too unreal, all this  
Watching the words fall from my lips_

Jesse (as Melchior)  
Baiting some girl with hypotheses

BOTH  
Haven't you heard the word of your body?

MELCHIOR  
Don't feel a thing, you wish

WENDLA  
Grasping at _pearls__ with my fingertips_

MELCHIOR  
Holding her hand like some little tease

BOTH  
Haven't you heard the word of my wanting?

O, I'm gonna be wounded  
O, I'm gonna be your wound  
O, I'm gonna bruise you  
O, you're gonna be my bruise

Just too unreal, all this…

WENDLA  
Watching his world slip through my fist

MELCHIOR  
Playing with her in your fantasies

BOTH  
Haven't you heard the word – how I want you?

O, I'm gonna be wounded  
O, I'm gonna be your wound  
O, I'm gonna bruise you  
O, you're gonna be my bruise

"We will call you in a few days. Ms. Berry, someone will clean up your drink."

"Thank you." I ran out of the room, refusing to make eye contact with Jesse. I did during the song, but only because I can't not. It's a habit of mine. Even I could feel the passion and the sadness in the song.

"Are you okay?" the pretty girl who was sitting next to the director followed me into the bathroom.

"Not really."

"That wasn't nothing, was it?"

"No."

"Care to talk about it?"

"I don't even know who you are."

"I'm Rebecca. The Assistant Director. You know, I saw you at Nationals a few years back. You are an incredible singer."

"Thanks. Which year?"

"The first year Vocal Adrenaline didn't even make it."

"My singing was fueled by heartbreak. That's what that was back there."

"Do you want to elaborate?"

"Can we get out of here first?"

"Sure. I'm done for the day. Dinner?"

"I'd love to."

Rebecca and I were sitting in a restaurant twenty minutes later. I love how close everything is in New York.

"I was sixteen, young and stupid. I met Jesse at a library. I was looking for songs with 'hello' in the title. I found the Lionel Ritchie book when he came up. We both knew who the other was. He practically forced me to sing it with him and I did. But when my Glee Club found out, they told me to dump him or they'd dump me. He was part of Vocal Adrenaline. The male lead. I told them I did, but I didn't. I even asked him, he lied, but I didn't know until later. One time, I refused to give myself to him. I don't even really know why. So, he moved to my school, so I didn't feel like I was betraying my friends. A while later, I made a video project to boost my popularity. I said that I knew he'd break my heart. He said that reputations proceed us and I broke his first."

"What happened next?" she asked when I paused to wipe away the tears running down my cheeks.

"He went on Spring Break with his old friends. When he came back, we got back together. He helped me find my mother. Then I found out that Shelby Corcoran, my mother, sent him to me to hurt me in order to help them at Regionals. I yelled at him and he tried to defend himself. I wouldn't let him. At Regionals, I could see the regret on his face, but I just walked away. I loved him. He was like me, but male. Willing to do almost anything to win. He was in Ballet Club with me. We'll have to show you our routine sometime. It was amazing. He sang randomly like me and he was ambitious. He once told me that I shouldn't dream of going on Broadway. Dreams were something to fill the emptiness. Becoming a star was an inevitability."

"Sounds like a charmer."

"He was."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you two got parts. Don't tell Marty I told you. The emotional depth, the sadness, the chemistry, that's exactly what we want for Melchior and Wendla. You two fit the parts exactly. I'm positive that you will get the call soon. They probably won't even do callbacks."

"Thanks, Rebecca."

"Why don't you go home? Sleep off the tears. I'm sure that you are exhausted."

"I am. Bye, Rebecca."

"Bye, Rachel." I rushed home and, completely ignoring Quinn, ran into my bedroom.

"Rach, are you okay?" she asked through my door. I got up and opened it, letting her in. Puck was here this week, so he was watching Beth. She hugged me

"Jesse was there. He auditioned and I had to sing with him."

"If you auditioned together, there is no doubt you will get parts. Your voices, mixed with your history, fit the characters perfectly."

"I know. Rebecca, the Assistant Director, told me. I dropped my drink when I saw him and she asked later if I was okay. I told her everything."

"Sometimes it helps to pour your heart out to a stranger. I did it a lot when I was pregnant."

~X~

I got the part. So did Jesse. Rehearsals start tomorrow, so I'll see him then. Luckily, Quinn decided to come and bring Beth.

"To start with, I want you to perform a duet of any song with your love interest in the show, if you have one. If not, come see me. I also want you to do a dance. You have two hours." Marty said.

"Rachel, do you still know our ballet club routine to _Total Eclipse of the Heart_?" he asked me. I nodded.

"Can we go now? We have an old thing prepared. Rachel, do you still always have your iPod?" I grabbed it out of my purse and handed it to my ex-boyfriend.

**Turnaround**_, every now and then I get a  
little bit __lonely__ and you're never coming around  
_**Turnaround**_, Every now and then I get a  
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears  
_**Turnaround,**_ Every now and then I get a  
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by  
Every now and then I get a  
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes  
_**Turnaround bright eyes,**_ Every now and  
then I fall apart  
_**Turnaround bright eyes,**_ Every now and  
then I fall apart _

_And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever  
And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever  
And we'll only be making it right  
Cause we'll never be wrong together  
We can take it to the end of the line  
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time  
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark  
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks  
I really need you tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight _

_Once upon a time I was falling in love  
But now I'm only falling apart  
There's nothing I can do  
A total eclipse of the heart  
Once upon a time there was light in my life  
__**But now there's only love in the dark  
Nothing I can say  
A total eclipse of the heart**_

**Turnaround bright eyes **

_Every now and then I fall apart._

**Turnaround bright eyes**

_Every now and then I fall apart._

_And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever  
And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever  
And we'll only be making it right  
Cause we'll never be wrong together  
We can take it to the end of the line  
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time  
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark  
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks  
I really need you tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight  
Forever's gonna start tonight _

_Once upon a time I was falling in love  
__**But now I'm only falling apart**__  
__** Nothing I can do  
A total eclipse of the heart **_

_**A total eclipse of the heart**_

_A total eclipse of the heart_

**Turn around, bright eyes.** I actually cried during the song. It brought back so many memories, painful ones. Everybody clapped when Jesse and I finished dancing.

"I never knew you two were so advanced."

"You have to be to bring your team to Nationals three times," we said simultaneously.

"That's creepy," Quinn said. "I forgot you two used to do that."

"Quinn?"

"Asshole."

"Quinn Allison Fabray!" I said, gesturing Beth.

"Who is this little cutie?" Jesse asked, kneeling down to the six year old.

"I'm Beth. Why does Mommy hate you?"

"You mean Mommy and Rachel?"

"Aunt Rachel doesn't hate you. Aunt Rachel loves you." I blushed.

"Bethie…" I warned.

"Hey, Aunt Rach, can your friend sing my song?"

"Her song?"

"Beth, this is Jesse."

"Mr. Jesse can you sing my song?"

"Rachel, what is her song?"

"Figure it out!" Quinn said. "You were still there when Puck and I named her!" I could see that he understood then.

"**Beth, I hear you calling  
But I can't come home right now  
Me and the boys are playing  
And we just can't find the sound**

Just a few more hours  
And I'll be right home to you  
I think I hear them calling  
Oh, Beth, what can I do  
Beth, what can I do

You say you feel so empty  
That our house just ain't our home  
I'm always somewhere else  
And you're always there alone

Just a few more hours  
And I'll be right home to you  
I think I hear them calling  
Oh, Beth, what can I do  
Beth, what can I do

Beth, I know you're **lonely****  
And I hope you'll be alright  
'Cause me and the boys will be playing all night**." Jesse sang and Beth clapped.

"Rachel, Jesse, you know that part of your acting has to be sexual tension, so will you sing _Like a Virgin?"_

"_I made it through the…_ I'm sorry. I can't." I whispered before running out of the room. Once I was safe in the bathroom, I started singing.

"_Is it getting better  
Or do you feel the same?  
Will it make it easier on you now?  
You got someone to blame."_

**You say one love, one life (one life) **I almost had a heart attack when Jesse started singing.**  
It's one need in the night  
One love (**_one love_**), get to share it  
Leaves you baby, if you don't care for it**

**Did I disappoint you?  
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?  
You act like you never had love  
And you want me to go without**

_**Well it's too late, tonight  
To drag the past out into the light  
We're one, but we're not the same  
We get to carry each other  
Carry each other  
One…**_

_Have you come here for forgiveness?  
Have you come to raise the dead?  
Have you come here to play Jesus?  
To the lepers in your head?_

_Well, did I ask too much, more than a lot?  
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got  
We're one, but we're not the same  
Well we, hurt each other  
Then we do it again_

_**You say  
Love is a temple  
Love is a higher law  
Love is a temple  
Love is the higher law  
You ask me to enter  
Well then you make me crawl  
And I can't be holding on  
To what you got  
When all you got is hurt**_

_**One love  
One blood  
One life  
You got to do what you should  
One life  
With each other  
Sisters and my  
Brothers  
One life  
But we're not the same  
We get to**__  
__**Carry each other  
Carry each other**_

_**One…  
One love."**_

"Rachel…"

"Jesse…" I mimicked him.

"I'm really sorry you know. I never meant to hurt you."

"I forgave you a long time ago, but it still hurts."

"What happened to the Rachel Berry I once knew?"

"I grew up, aided by heartbreak and hardship."

"How have you been?"

"It's been hard. I was really vulnerable in High School. I learned, from you and others in college, that I needed to change that."

"I was telling Shelby that I wasn't going to do it anymore, the day that Kurt took the picture."

"Really?" I said, not daring to get my hopes up. He nodded and pulled out his phone.

"After you got mad at me, I took this, just in case. I've kept it since."

"_Why did you have to send me there, Shelby?"_

"_I wanted to meet my daughter!"_

"_No! You wanted to win! You didn't care who you hurt in the first place."_

"_Why do you care so much, Jesse?"_

"_Rachel was like me. She understood. And I loved her for it."_

"_Love is for weaklings and normal people. You are a star."_

"_So is she."_

"_That makes her vulnerable!"_

"_I don't care! I wish I could go back to McKinley."_

"_I'll take away your scholarship."_

"_Maybe I don't care."_

"_You don't have a choice. You want to be a star and you can't do that without me."_

"_I'm done, Shelby. I'm done being your pawn."_

"_Fine, but you are still my star. I will flunk you in some of your classes if you don't keep singing."_

"_Fine, but I'm not happy about it. What you did to Rachel, your daughter, was wrong."_ I could feel him gently wiping the tears off my face. I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I missed you." I mumbled.

"I missed you too, Rach."

"Let's go back out there. We can talk tonight."

"Alright. We can go to my apartment if you want. I heard you were living with Quinn and Beth."

"I am. That's fine." He stood and I took his outstretched hand.

"We're ready." I said.

"Finally!" John Gallagher Jr., who was playing Moritz, said jokingly.

"One thing, can you clear off the table?" I asked, grinning at Jesse. "Go with your instincts," I whispered into his ear.

We spun around to the lyrics of the song. It reminded me of when we did this the first time. Except, then we went a bit further. The music stopped and I was lying on the table, Jesse half on top of me. The others clapped.

"We definitely chose correctly," I heard Marty whisper to Rebecca.

"I agree. Jesse and Rachel just have that chemistry and sadness and emotion that make up Wendla and Melchior."

~X~

Jesse and I are friends again, just friends. Tonight is Opening Night, and I'm not nervous. As a certain star I once knew said, 'I remember when I used to get nervous.'

_Mama who bore me  
Mama who gave me  
No way to handle things  
Who made me so sad_

Mama, the weeping  
Mama, the angels  
No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem

Some pray that one day  
Christ will come a'-callin'  
They light a candle  
And hope that it glows  
And some just lie there  
Crying for him to come and find them  
But when he comes they don't know how to go

Mama who bore me  
Mama who gave me  
No way to handle things  
Who made me so bad

Mama, the weeping  
Mama, the angels  
No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem.

The show went great. Afterwards, we had to go out and greet a few fans.

"Rachel!" Mercedes and Kurt yelled once they saw me.

"Jesse…"

"Hello. It's been so long." I said.

"We couldn't miss your first show. Even if that thing was in it," Mercedes said, indicating Jesse.

"If I can forgive him, you can." I said firmly.

"Can we do a number for old time's sake?"

"Don't Stop Believing?" I asked.

"We don't have everybody. We couldn't find Quinn or Puck."

"She's my agent. She's backstage with Beth and Puck."

"For those of you still here, we have a special thing for you. My friends from High School came to see the show. As some of you know, I was in McKinley High's New Directions. We'd like to perform our signature song." The crowd cheered so we started singing.

_Just a small town girl  
Livin' in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train  
Goin' anywhere  
Just a city boy  
Born and raised in South Detroit  
He took the midnight train  
Goin' anywhere_

A singer in a smokey room  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting  
Up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching  
In the night  
Streetlights, people  
Livin' just to find emotion  
Hidin', somewhere in the night

Workin' hard to get my fill  
Everybody wants a thrill  
Payin' anything to roll the dice  
Just one more time  
Some will _win__  
Some will lose  
Some were born to sing the blues  
Oh, the movie never ends  
It goes on and on and on and on_

Strangers waiting  
Up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching  
In the night  
Streetlights, people  
Livin' just to find emotion  
Hidin', somewhere in the night

[Instrumental Interlude]

Don't stop believin'  
Hold on to the feelin'  
Streetlights, people  
Don't stop believin'  
Hold on  
Streetlights, people

"Berry! St. James! Did I say you could sing an unauthorized song?" Rebecca yelled.

"Whatever, Becs! You know that we do what we want."

"I do, unfortunately. How many times did you goof off during rehearsals?"

"Too many to count!" Quinn said. Beth ran on stage and jumped into Jesse's arms to the shock of the club.

"Uncle Jesse!"

"Hey, Bethie," He said, adopting my nickname for the six year old.

"Have you and Aunt Rachel said you loved each other yet?" She asked. "I know you both do, so just say it already." I blushed. "I've always wanted to go to a wedding."

"Wedding? Who said anything about a wedding?" I asked.

"When two people love each other they get married, duh, Aunt Rachel."

"Honey, it'll be a while. I do love her, but we aren't ready. It's too early." I blushed again and pulled him aside. He put Beth down, so she could hug her Lima friends.

"Do you really love me?" I asked.

"I always have, Rach."

"I love you too."

"Don't tell Beth that. She'll start planning our wedding and kids next."


	6. Lonely And Sad

Lonely And Sad

Summary: Rachel has been on Broadway for years. What happens when she is forced to go to a normal school? What about her co-stars?

I walked on stage after my final production of _Spring Awakening._

"Okay, so as some of you know, I'm leaving. My fathers," I said with only some sneer on the word. "Are forcing me to go to a normal school in Nowhere, Ohio. As unhappy as I am about this, I have no choice. But don't be too upset. I'll come back to Broadway someday."

"We'll miss you, Rachel!" Phoebe yelled.

"Thanks, Pheebs. I'll miss you all too. You guys are like my family," I added, my voice breaking on the final word. Jesse St. James, the Melchior to my Wendla, was standing next to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"It's so hard knowing that I can't do _Spring Awakening _anymore. I spent so long wanting it and now it's finally over. And it's not like I expected it to end. My dads are making me move. What is high school compared to coming on stage every night and singing my heart out? Because that's how it is here. I love all my cast. I wish I wasn't leaving." I paused to angrily wipe at the tears on my cheeks.

"I'm leaving too," Jesse said. "It won't be the same without Rach. She's my best friend and without her as Wendla, I can't be Melchior. I am also going to school, but here in New York."

"We love our fans, all of you. Don't be too hard on our replacements. And I'll miss you, John Squared, Phoebe, Lauren, Gideon, Brian, Jesse, Skylar, Lilli, Remy, all of my cast and family from the show. I love you guys. Come visit me or I will hurt you all." I grinned and hugged them before walking off stage.

"Rachel, honey…" Dad said.

"Don't talk to me!" I snapped.

"Rach, I know you are angry, but…"

"Angry? You think I'm _angry!_ I'm past angry! You are taking me away from them! They are my friends, my family."

"Rachel, my job transferred me."

"Then quit! Or let me stay here. Mrs. St. James loves me!"

"So do we. And that's why we aren't letting you stay."

"Whatever," I said before walking off. I started walking home, knowing they would follow me. I ran into my bedroom and slammed my door.

The next day, we were in Nowhere, Ohio, officially called Lima. I started school the day after that and it sucked as much as I expected.

"Who's the new girl?" Some kid with a mohawk asked. I ignored him, not in the mood.

"That's Rachel Berry!" Another boy who was wearing a knee length sweater vest yelled as I walked past. I didn't talk to anyone until I got to the front office and received my schedule. After school was over, I went to the office of the Spanish teacher. His name was William Schuester and he also coached glee club.

"Mr. Schuester, my name is Rachel Berry and I would like to audition for Glee club."

"Glee rehearsal starts in ten minutes. You can try out in front of them."

"Audition," I corrected.

"What?"

"In theatre, you audition."

I walked into the room and told the pianist what to play after Mr. Schuester told them who I was.

_Mama, who bore me_

_Mama, who gave me_

_No way to handle things,_

_Who made me so sad._

_Mama, the weeping._

_Mama, the angels_

_No sleep in heaven,_

_Or Bethleham._

_Some pray that one day,_

_Christ will come a' calling_

_And they light our candle_

_In hope that it glows_

_And some just lay there crying_

_For him to come and find them_

_But when he comes, they don't know how to go._

_Mama, who bore me._

_Mama, who gave me,_

_No way to handle things,_

_Who made me so bad._

_Mama, the weeping_

_Mama, the angels._

_No sleep in heaven_

_Or Bethleham. _They all clapped when I finished. It wasn't the polite clapping. It was reluctant and for my pure talent that they were obviously jealous of. Well, some of them were. The kid in a sweater dress had tears in his eyes and the kid with the mohawk looked on in lust. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm Kurt!" the kid in the sweater dress said. "I'm like your biggest fan."

"I'm Mercedes, but Mr. Schue, how can you let her join? She'll take all our solos," a large black girl said.

"I believe in talent, Mercedes. If I get the solos, it will be because I'm the best."

"Quinn Fabray, former Head Cheerio."

"Cheerio?" I asked.

"Cheerleader. And I'm Santana." Another girl who was in a red uniform said.

"Why did you quit?"

"I'm pregnant." She snarled.

"I'm Finn," a cute boy who was holding onto the pregnant girl said. I found out that the kid in the wheelchair was Artie and his Asian girlfriend was Tina. Mike was sometimes called 'The Other Asian,' and Puck was the kid with the mohawk. Brittany was the blond cheerleader and Matt was another football player.

"Will you sing another?"

"Yes, but there is only one other song I can sing without my cast."

"Whispering?" Kurt asked. I winked.

_Whispering  
Hear the ghosts in the moonlight  
Sorrow doing a new dance  
Through their bone, through their skin_

Listening  
To the souls in the fool's night  
Fumbling mutely with their rude hands  
And there's heartache without end

See the father bent in grief  
The mother dressed in mourning  
Sister crumbles, and the neighbors grumble  
The preacher issues warnings

History  
Little miss didn't do right  
Went and ruined all the true plans  
Such a shame. Such a sin.

Mystery  
Home alone on a school night  
Harvest moon over the blue land  
Summer longing on the wind

Had a sweetheart on his knees  
So faithful and adoring  
And he touched me. And I let him love me.  
So let that be my story

Listening  
For the hope, for the new life  
Something beautiful, a new chance  
Hear its whispering  
There again This song also ended to clapping. Unfortunately, it was still reluctant.

"That's all for today, guys. We don't want to overuse Rachel on her first day." I got in my new car and drove home. I ran up to my new bedroom, decorated based on _Spring Awakening._ The colors were red, black, white, and grey. Quotes were painted on the walls and there were several pictures of myself with the cast in several different poses. I picked up my phone to call John.

"Johnny!" I yelled into my phone.

"Hey, Bear. We miss you. Can I put you on speaker phone?"

"Of course. How is it there at the show? I miss you!"

"It sucks, Rach. It isn't the same without you and Jesse." That was Lilli.

"I hate it here." I said, my voice breaking.

"Aww, Berry Bear, what's wrong?"

"Everybody hates me! Only one kid even seems to sort of like me and he knows who I am. The black girl is jealous that I'm better and the pregnant girl just snapped at me." I started to cry at this point.

"Honey, it'll be okay."

"And I can't talk to my dads or you guys and I don't like it! I miss you all, and Jesse. You guys are like my family and I don't like that we don't get to sing together every night."

"I hate it too, Rachel." Phoebe said.

"We'll come visit as soon as we can, baby girl." Lauren said. I could hear the grin in her voice. "We'll drag Jesse down too."

"Alright, bye. I have homework. I'll call you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Rachel!" Ten voices yelled.

~X~

The next day, school was awful. I got _slushied_. Some stupid jock threw a grape slushie at me. Luckily, I was forewarned and had extra clothes.

"Today, we have a surprise for you. A surprise that couldn't have come at a better time. Will you follow me to the auditorium?" I slowly followed behind the Glee Club, wary.

"Will the boys go backstage?" The music was familiar notes. My eyes widened.

"They wouldn't." I whispered, but my fear was for naught when a familiar curly haired boy came on stage.

"That's Jesse St. James," Quinn said to me. "Lead of Vocal Adrenaline."

"I know who he is." I snapped back.

_All that's known_  
_In History, in Science  
Overthrown, at school  
At home, by blind men_

You doubt them,  
And soon they bark and hound you  
Till everything you say is  
Just another bad about you

All they say  
Is "Trust in what is written"  
Wars are made  
And somehow that is wisdom

Thought is suspect  
And money is their idol  
And nothing is okay unless  
It's scripted in their Bible

But I know  
There's so much more to find  
Just in looking through myself,  
and not at them

Still, I know  
To trust my own true mind  
And to say there's a way through this

On I go  
To wonder and to learning  
Name the stars and know their dark returning

I'm calling  
To know the world's true yearning  
The hunger that a child feels  
For everything they're shown

You watch me  
Just watch me  
I'm calling  
And one day all will know

You watch me  
Just watch me  
I'm calling

I'm calling  
And one day all will know.

When he finished singing, he started talking.

"Now, where's Rachel?" He asked. I ran up on stage.

"Jesse!" I could see the confusion of the Glee kids, but ignored them, opting to hug my best friend instead.

"What is she doing talking to the lead of _Vocal Adrenaline_?" Mercedes snarled.

"Vocal Adrenaline? I thought you were going to school in New York."

"My parents are as stupid as yours."

"So you live nearby?" he nodded.

"Why don't we show them why you are talking to me?" He whispered. I agreed.

_RACHEL  
Just too unreal, all this  
Watching the words fall from my lips_

**JESSE  
Baiting some girl with hypotheses**__

_**BOTH  
Haven't you heard the word of your body?**___

**JESSE  
Don't feel a thing, you wish**__

RACHEL  
Grasping at _pearls__ with my fingertips_

**JESSE  
Holding her hand like some little tease**__

_**BOTH  
Haven't you heard the word of my wanting?**_

O, I'm gonna be wounded  
O, I'm gonna be your wound  
O, I'm gonna bruise you  
O, you're gonna be my bruise

Just too unreal, all this…__

RACHEL  
Watching his world slip through my fist

**JESSE  
Playing with her in your fantasies  
**_  
__**BOTH  
Haven't you heard the word – how I want you?**_

O, I'm gonna be wounded  
O, I'm gonna be your wound  
O, I'm gonna bruise you  
O, you're gonna be my bruise

"In _Spring Awakening,_ I was Wendla. He was Melchior." I said, matter-of-factly.

"I missed you, Jesse," I whispered into his ear.

"I missed you too, Bear." John Gallagher Jr. once called me Berry Bear. It stuck and is sometime shortened to just Bear.

"I miss New York." I complained.

"Jesse, Rachel, do you mind if they ask some questions?" we shook our heads.

"What was it like performing on stage every night?" Quinn asked.

"You could feel the audience's energy. It was as if it fed my soul. Also, I loved my cast. Jesse is my best friend."

"What is with the outfit, dude?" Puck asked.

"When I stepped on stage, I was no longer Jesse. I became Melchior. And Melchior dressed like this. You should see John. His hair…"I laughed.

"His hair was a bit much."

"Why did you leave Broadway?" Kurt spoke.

"I left because my dads made me. Jesse didn't feel right doing it without me."

"Will you sing another song?"

"There is only one more song we can sing without the rest of the cast."

"No problem," I heard from behind me. I turned around and ran into John's arms.

"Johnny!"

"Miss us, Rach?"

_[WENDLA]  
In the midst of this nothing. This miss of a life.  
Still there's this one thing just to see you go by._

[MARTHA]  
It's almost like lovin'. Sad as that is.

[THEA]  
May not be cool, but it's so where I live.

[ANNA]  
It's like i'm your lover or more like your ghost.  
I spend the day wondering what you do, where you go.

[THEA]  
I try and just kick it but then what can I do?  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

[ALL GIRLS]  
See us, winter walking after a storm.  
It's chill in the wind but it's warm in your arms.  
We stop all snow blind, may not be true  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

[GEORG]  
Well, you'll have to excuse me, I know it's so off.  
I love when you do stuff that's rude and so wrong.

[HANSCHEN]  
I go up to my room, turn the stereo on…  
Shoot up some you in the you of some song.

[THEA]  
I lie back just driftin' and play out these scenes  
I ride on the rush all the hopes all the dreams.

[ANNA]  
I May be neglecting the things I should do.  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

[ALL]  
See we still keep talkin' after you're gone.  
You still with me then feels so good in my arms.  
They say you go blind, maybe it's true.  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

It's like we stop time. What can I do?  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.  
My junk is you.  
My junk is you.  
You. You. You.

"So I talked to everybody, including your dads, Rachel, and they want you two back. Your dads said okay, as long as you went to school."

"What? I yelled at them for weeks!"

"We told them about your phone call."

"Did you know that average people don't like it when you criticize their singing?" I questioned.

"To improve it?" Phoebe asked gently.

"Have you ever seen me criticize people for another reason?"

"No!"

"I want to see how this Glee Club is. Without Rachel."

They sang their little song and danced their little dance.

"Wow," Lauren said. "Have you ever heard of _hairography?_" After improving them significantly, we went back to my house to pack up my stuff.

"I love your room!" Lilli said as the looked at all my quotes.

"My favorite is 'Not supposed to what? Love? Is there such a thing?" Jesse commented.

"You said it, Jess."

"That's not the point." I rolled my eyes.

~X~

I sat next to Jesse on the plane. His parents were moving back and I was staying with them. I sighed, and lay my head on his shoulder.

"You know, Rachel, I kind of love you." He grinned.

"Kind of?"

"Most definitely." I leaned over and pressed my lips to his. That's when we crossed the line. The line from friends to lovers.

AN:

1-Okay, so let me know if you want me to expand any of these and make them real stories.

2-I have chapter titles, but I don't know what they are going to be about. Any summary ideas would be helpful.

Here is a few:

Dreams That Cannot Be

Don't Wanna Be Alone

Going Too Fast

Rain

And Then There Were None

Touch Me

Sweet and Unknown

Love May Make You Blind

Whispering

I Let Him Love Me

Let That Be My Story

All That's Known

Somehow That Is Wisdom

Don't Do Sadnesss

No Way to Handle Things


	7. Another One Gone

AN: So, I was sitting in my bathroom in kind of a funk after _Funk_ and listening to 'Another One Bites the Dust,' because I love Jonathan Groff. Anyway, that's when the inspiration hit me. I knew during the episode I would have to write an ending to that, but I didn't have an idea. Then. This is what happens when you give me music and St. Berry angst. Bad things. Maybe. I haven't actually written it yet.

Another One Gone

Summary: She watched, with egg on her face, those poor baby fetuses, as he walked away from her. She's forgiven Finn about a thousand times, but can she forgive Jesse?

Jesse St. James walked to the park. It was their spot. The first place they really felt something together, without singing, of course. The first time they really felt for each other was during that first performance together. Lionel Ritchie's Hello. One of their favorites. And now, he ruined it. For both of them. Hello was such a romantic song and with them it meant something. He broke her heart, and his own. But he also ruined that song for them. Neither one of them would listen to it. Ever. And they especially wouldn't sing it with another.

What he didn't expect, is to see her there. Sitting on his swing, of course. She had her own, lord knows why she wasn't sitting on it. Because she's Rachel, that's why. Rachel knows what she wants and what she wanted at that moment was to think about her time with Jesse.

_Snap out of it! He broke your heart. Stop trying to remember the good times. He isn't dead. Although, your relationship is._ She thought to herself. That's when she looked up and saw him.

"Go away." She said, gently. He barely heard her. His blue eyes took in her jeans and sweatshirt and his eyebrows rose. She ignored him and he sighed before sitting down in her swing. The pair sat in silence for a while, just ignoring each other.

"Why?" she said finally.

"Shelby Corcoran."

"My mother told you to spy on our Glee club and break her own daughter's heart just so you could win Regionals?"

"No. Well, yes, to the second part. She wanted to know you. That's why she sent me. And it was to befriend you. It's just, the chemistry between us was undeniable. I couldn't stop myself from falling in love with you."

"Cut the crap, Jesse. We all know that you were just playing me. And I suspected it in the beginning. I'm not stupid or naïve. I just..." She paused, tears running down her cheeks. "I just liked you so much and I didn't want to think that. My fears died a bit after time, but I still had a bit of doubt."

"Rachel…"

"No!" she said, standing up. "Just go. Go back to your club and your perfect little life!"

"Perfect? You think I'm perfect? Vocal Adrenaline is good, sure. But we are precise. In New Directions, Glee is fun. You guys have heart, emotion. Vocal Adrenaline is cold and heartless. Shelby is too. My parents only want me for my talent. And Vocal Adrenaline controls everything! They control my scholarship! That's why I did it."

"You could've told me! You could've done something! But instead you chose to humiliate me in front of my Glee club, by transferring back without telling me. I found out when you tried to put us in a funk! And then you draped toilet paper all over our choir room! And threw eggs at me! You told me to meet you and I did. And your teammates threw eggs at me before telling you to do the same. And you did."

"I'm sorry!"

"You can't take it back, Jesse. It doesn't work like that. Now, I need to go. I'm thirsty."

"Thirsty?"

"Ask your coach what I mean. She'll understand." She said, before, in a typical Rachel way, storming off. Rachel Barbra Berry ran to her car and hurriedly opened the door before driving to an unfamiliar house that she knew, but had never been to.

"Mercedes?" she asked when the door was opened. The larger girl opened the door and frowned.

"Rachel? What's wrong?"

"I was at the park. It was our spot. And _he_ showed up. He told me why. And we fought. I stormed off." She managed to say before breaking down in the arms of the other girl. Mercedes called her dad and he carried Rachel upstairs to her room. Quinn was in there.

"Hey, Mercedes, what's up? Whoa, what happened, Rachel?"

"Jesse." Mercedes snarled. The pregnant girl also wrapped her arms around the sobbing one.

"We'll get him back, honey. When we beat them at Regionals."

"That's just it, though! I miss him." I whispered. "I want him with us for Regionals. We can beat Vocal Adrenaline together."

"Rachel, do you want to stay here tonight?" she nodded and Mercedes went to call Rachel's fathers.

~X~

"Rachel? What are you doing here?" Shelby Corcoran asked with a frown when she walked into the auditorium at Carmel High School.

"We showed you as a group, but us girls have something to say to your little…"

"Rachel!" Quinn scolded before she could get the words out.

"Sorry. Anyway, we would like to apologize."

"For?" Jesse asked confused.

"Being better than you." Santana stated matter-of-factly. Vocal Adrenaline scoffed, but Jesse looked genuinely worried. Rachel walked up to the band and told them what to play.

_Rachel:  
In the midst of this nothing, this miss of a life.  
Still there's this wanting to see you go by._

Tina:  
It's almost like lovin', sad as that is.

Santana:  
May not be cool, but it's so where I live.

Rachel:  
It's like I'm your lover or more like your ghost.  
I spend the day wondering what you do, where you go.  
I try and just kick it but what can I do.  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

All:  
See us, winter walking after a storm.  
It's chill in the wind but it's warm in your arms.  
We stop all snow line, may not be true.  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

Brittany:  
Well, you'll have to excuse me, I know it's so off.  
I love when you do stuff that's rude and so wrong.

Rachel:  
I go up to my room, turn the stereo on  
Shoot up some you, and the you is some song.

Tina:  
I lie back just driftin' and play out these scenes  
I ride on the rush of all the hopes and the dreams.

Quinn:  
I May be neglecting the things I should do.  
But we've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

Quinn.  
See we still keep talkin' after you're gone.  
You still with me then feels so good in my arms.  
They say you go blind, maybe it's true.  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.

It's like we stop time. What can I do?  
We've all got our junk, and my junk is you.  
My junk is you.  
My junk is you.  
You. You. You.

They finished with smug looks on their faces.

"Oh, and one more thing. Ms. Corcoran, Jesse, I think you understand what I mean by the song that I'm showcasing my personal talent with." Rachel said.

_There's no use in crying  
All my tears won't drown my pain  
Free me from your sorrow  
I can't grieve you again_

_You bury me alive  
And everybody's got to breathe somehow  
Don't leave me to die  
Too consumed by your own emptiness and lies_

_All I did was love you  
I can't let you fool me  
I won't need you again_

_I can't feel this love we used to hold  
All I see is black and cold  
As I try to pull you down  
To the ground, the ground_  
_  
You bury me alive  
And everybody's got to breathe somehow  
Don't leave me to die  
Too consumed by your own emptiness and lies_

"Can't wait to kick your asses at Regionals," Mercedes said as they left, cocky grins on their faces.

~X~

"Mr. Schuester, what is he doing here?" Rachel asked.

"Jesse wants to talk to you all."

"I'm sorry that you found out about my leaving that way, but I'm still enrolled in McKinley. I didn't tell Shelby that I really enrolled. She thinks I faked it. I didn't reenroll in Carmel."

"What's your point, pretty boy?" Mercedes snapped.

"I miss being here. Glee was fun."

"Okay, get on with it!" Santana yelled when he paused.

"I'm going to stay with Vocal Adrenaline until Regionals. There, I can randomly appear on stage with you. It will throw them."

"That's nice, but how do we trust you?" Rachel asked, tears in her voice.

"I know that you can't. But you can prepare more songs, if you are that paranoid about me giving them your set list."

"Let's vote," Mr. Schuester decided. "Raise your hand if you are okay with this plan." Everybody, but Rachel raised their hand.

"I'm sorry. I can't. Not now." She whispered as she ran out. Jesse made to follow, but was stopped by a heavily pregnant girl.

"I've got her." Quinn announced before following Rachel.

Twenty minutes later, Quinn managed to drag an emotionless Rachel into the choir room.

"Anybody have number ideas?" Mr. Schuester asked. Nobody replied.

"Rachel? You always have ideas?"

"I have a few, but…"

"Can you tell me one, Rach?" Quinn asked with a small smile. The brunette leaned over to whisper in the blonde's ear. Quinn grinned after a moment. Quinn announced the selection to the club and they agreed. After practicing for a while, they headed home.

"Rachel…" Jesse said gently.

"Just because I'm letting you stay doesn't mean I forgive you."

"I should've told you in the beginning. But I didn't want to hurt you."

"It would've hurt less then, though." She whispered.

"I know," He said sullenly.

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"That you loved me. When you said it, before throwing an egg at me."

"Yes."

"I love you too, but I can't forgive you yet. And I don't trust you. It will take time."

"I'm okay with that." He grinned.

"This is the last chance for us though. If we split up again, its final. I can't do it again."

"Do what?"

"Go through the pain of losing you." He just hugged the smaller, melodramatic girl.

~X~

At Regionals, Shelby Corcoran was shocked that Jesse betrayed her. They sang _Give Up the Funk_ (after teaching Jesse how to 'funk'), _Don't Stop Believin,' and Totally Fucked _from Spring Awakening. The judges, Sue especially, weren't happy about the language in the final song, but they could feel the emotion. So, they let it slide. Sue tried to not let it, but the other judges outvoted her.

"In third place, we have Aural Intensity!"

"Our runner's up…." Sue paused dramatically. "This is the moment, William, the moment where the anticipation over whether or not your little club is over is high. Unfortunately, our runner's up are Carmel's Vocal Adrenaline."

"Leaving McKinley's New Directions in first place and going on to Nationals." Rachel cheered with the others and jumped into Jesse's arms. She pressed her lips to his.

"I forgive you."


	8. We're One, But We're Not The Same

AN 2: Okay, so this has been over a week in the making. I actually started it the day after Funk premiered, but my past week and a half has been hectic. First, my cousin went into labor. We were at the hospital for ten hours before little Isla Ann decided to make her appearance. Then, we went to Chicago on Sunday. There was no internet access. On Monday, my other cousin's grandfather died. Glee was on Tuesday and we missed it. Stupid time zones! Anyway, on Wednesday we came home so we could go to the calling hours and I started Driver's Ed on Thursday! So, yeah. Oh, and I got my ear pierced again. I have two in the lobes and one in the cartilage. Then on Friday, I actually drove and had another lesson in Driver's Ed. I also went to visit Isla. The girl is just as stubborn as her mother.

We're One, But We're Not the Same

Summary: Jesse had a look of pure guilt on his face as they threw eggs on Rachel, before it was covered by a mask. What were his inner emotions? Will Rachel ever know them and forgive him?

Jesse St. James sighed before putting his pen and book in his bag. He was heading to the library, the one where he met Rachel. She gasped when she saw him, turning away.

"Rachel…"

"I can't talk to you."

"Why not?"

"It hurts, Jesse!"

"Okay, fine, I'm leaving anyway." He didn't notice when the book he was writing in earlier fell on the floor. Rachel opened it, to see what it was and started reading.

~X~

"Guys! Look what I found!" Rachel said as she ran into the choir room, genuinely happy for the first time in days.

"What is that?" Santana asked.

"Jesse's diary." The eyes of the Glee club widened.

"Where did you get that?" questioned Finn.

"He dropped it at the library."

"Well, read it!"

"_Dear Journal,_

_ In the beginning, I was all about calling you my journal, but now that I've lost _her _it seems pointless. I'm broken. So, diary, I'm gonna pour my heart out. What I did was wrong, I see that now. I even knew that in the beginning. So, why did I do what I did? Well, that answer is simple enough. I was foolish enough to think that I was hard enough, that it didn't matter, that I wouldn't care. But the second I met _her_, I was gone. I had no chance. I became less of a Vocal Adrenaline automaton and more of a human. A human with a living beating heart. At first, I didn't like it. But then I realized that she was me. Except, she was a human me. A me with feelings. I could see it in her. She felt, she had emotions, and she let everybody see them. As we once sang, I can see it in her eyes, I can see it in her smile, and it's entirely my fault. I broke her, but I broke myself too. _

_Shelby Corcoran is a bitch, to put it simply. I don't know what _she_ did, or even what I did, to deserve this. And, yes, _she _still thinks I did it voluntarily, but she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand that the second you join Vocal Adrenaline, your free will is taken away. Shelby controls each and every one of us, whether it is a scholarship or a secret. Like when Meghan found out she was pregnant. Shelby made her 'take care of it.' She used to fail us, so we could sing with her, but they found out. I told her I quit once, that I was done playing _her_. Shelby threatened to take away my scholarship to UCLA. When I said I didn't care, she threatened to tell my original intentions to _her_. She also threatened to take away my Bohemian Rhapsody solo. I fell in love, damn it! That's the reason I can't go back to being the heartless bastard I was before. With Shelby, nothing was okay unless it was written in the bible of a rule book she follows to a 't.' Unfortunately, she wrote the damn thing. She even controls our personal lives! _

_That's another thing I forgot to tell you. Shelby was my mother's best friend. My parents are always on vacation, so I was forced to stay with her. So, she can do a hell of a lot more damage than you would assume. I just can't believe she forced me to sing 'Another One Bites the Dust.' That was plain cruel. She also made me throw eggs at my ex-girlfriend, _her_, the reason I'm in this mess. _She's _ Jewish and probably had nightmares about the baby fetuses we threw at her. She's also a vegan. I just feel so terrible all the time, remembering what I did to her. _

_My only hope is that she doesn't start dating that idiot Hudson or the supposed badass Puckerman. Please, I'm more badass than that kid. He has a mohawk for Christ's sake! Although, he would look pretty odd with my own perfect curls. She loved to run her fingers through my hair. I miss the feel of her petite frame wrapped in my arms. I also miss dancing with her in Ballet Club. But singing is what I will miss the most. It's like our voices were made for each other. Sure, she was overbearing, high-maintenance, and a total drama queen, but so am I. I loved her and now I've lost that. God, how was I so stupid!_

_I miss her. I hurt her and that pains me. I'm supposed to protect her from pain, not cause it. I just feel so damn guilty. It's like I reached in and ripped her heart out, somehow managing to mortally damage my own in the process. It feels like I'm dying. And only Rachel can save me._

_-An ashamed and heartbroken Jesse St. James, no, just Jesse." _Rachel wiped the spare tears away from her cheeks as she put the diary down.

"Vocal Adrenaline sucks," Kurt said. "As good as they are, I wouldn't want to join."

"I'll be back!" Rachel said.

"No! We decided to show them up at Regionals, Rachel." Mr. Schuester said to the distraught girl.

"I have to!" she ran out before they could get another word in. They followed her to Carmel High School.

"Rachel?" Jesse asked when she ran into the auditorium before hoisting herself up on stage. "This is yours." She said as she threw the journal at him.

"Shelby! Stop being such a manipulative bitch! They're children, not your puppets."

"Who are you to question me?"

"Your daughter! And you should be nicer to them! They are good, sure. But they have no emotion. And that's where you lose. You turned these children into your puppets. And they may be good, but they can't best those with souls."

"You can't make me do anything."

"No, but my fathers can sue you for contacting me."

"I didn't."

"But you made Jesse convince me to. I know everything. And they won't like it. Plus, who do you think they will believe, the woman who they paid to have a baby, or their lovely perfect daughter? Jesse will testify, won't he?" she snarled.

"Yes, I will."

"You live with me, St. James! You can't testify against me!"

"My fathers won't care if he moves in with us. Then, he can still go to McKinley."

"I won't do it!" she whipped out her phone.

"Hi, Daddy! Can you bring Dad to Carmel High School's auditorium? Just come." She hung up. "They're on their way."

"Fine! I'll do it! You guys can do what you want, just don't tell Rachel's fathers. Jesse, you can go back to No Directions and keep your scholarship."

"It's New Directions." Mr. Schuester corrected.

"Like I care." Shelby replied.

"Now, I need a reason to call my dads here. Jesse? Will you come up on stage?"

"Sure, Rach." She whispered something into his ear and he grinned in response.

"Rachel? What's wrong? Why did you call us here?" Hiram said as he walked into the auditorium with Leroy.

"Nothing, Daddy. Can Jesse move in with us and stay in the guest room? His guardian isn't a very nice person."

"Who is it?" their daughter pointed to her biological mother.

"Shelby Corcoran."

"How do you know Shelby?"

"She's the coach of Vocal Adrenaline. And Jesse's guardian. I've met her a few times." They were visibly relieved.

"You could have asked us this later. Why are we here, sweetheart?"

"Oh!" Music started playing.

**Highway run **

**into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind**

_Restless hearts _

_Sleep alone tonight  
Sending all my love along the wire_

___**They say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line it's been you and me  
And loving a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be**___

Oh, boy.  
You stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully 

_**Circus life **_

_**Under the big top world  
We all need the clowns to make us laugh  
Through space and time  
Always another show **_

___**Wondering where I am **_

_**Lost without you  
And being apart ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy of rediscovering you  
**_**  
Oh, girl,  
You stand by me  
I'm forever yours  
Faithfully**

___**Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh  
oh oh oh oh oh oh  
Faithfully  
I'm still yours  
I'm forever yours  
Ever yours  
Faithfully**_

Rachel's fathers clapped the loudest.

"You can live with us, Jesse. Under one condition."

"What condition, Daddy?"

"You two have to sing a lot!"

"Dad, Jesse is like a male version of me. So, obviously, we will sing a lot."

"Ready to go home, sweetie?"

"Sure, Daddy."

"Jesse, you can get your stuff and move in whenever." The curly haired star nodded and headed to his sports car, since he really didn't have the Range Rover anymore.

"Hey, Jesse, can I come with you?" Rachel asked. "I can help you pack." He smiled.

"Sure."

"Did you mean it?" He asked later, as they were packing up his stuff.

"Mean what?"

"The song."

"Faithfully? Yes." He grinned and leaned toward her, but stopped inches away from her lips.

"Can I?" He asked.

"Yes." She whispered before their lips met.

"Did _you_ mean it?"

"Mean what?" he echoed her just as she echoed him.

"What you said in the journal? About loving me."

"Every word of it was true."

"Well, in that case, I love you too." The pair linked arms and they walked into Rachel's house, ready to start their new lives and prepared to stick together through the hardships the future would bring.


	9. Mama

AN: I just, hated the ending between Rachel and Jesse, so…

AN2: Just a random notice, I'll try to tone down the Spring Awakening. It's come to my attention (thanks Pretty Little Bones!) that there are too many. So, I'm trying to cut them down. The thing is that I'm one of those people who is easily obsessed with things and that is my most recent obsession. I've seen it (Unfortunately, on YouTube, but it was Lea and Jonathan), read the script a few times and obsessively listen to the soundtrack. I just love the songs so much. I know that most people aren't supposed to like Melchior, but I kind of love him. :D

Mama

Summary: It's not about whether we win or lose, it's about the journey there and how fun it was. Can Shelby convince Rachel and Jesse they belong together? Does she even need to?

I walked into Carmel High School's auditorium and was greeted by the sounds of two people shouting at each other. The other members of Vocal Adrenaline were trying to discreetly escape.

"This is your fault!" the female lead said. "Shelby and Jesse never fight. You made her realize what she's missing! That's why she adopted that baby and is quitting." she left before letting me get in a word.

"Enough!" I yelled. "Sit down! Now!"

"Rachel?" Shelby Corcoran asked before obeying. "What are you doing here?"

"Jesse texted me. He said you were yelling at him."

"I am yelling at him for what he did to you."

"I already did, Shelby. He gave me his reasons and I forgive him."

"Oh. Well, now I feel foolish. I'm sorry, Jesse. Now, can I talk to Rachel?" My ex-boyfriend looked at me for reassurance before leaving the auditorium.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I shouldn't have contacted you. I wasn't supposed to. It was selfish. You didn't need a mother. I wanted a daughter."

"I do need a mother, though. Sometimes, I can't talk to anyone. I was stuck talking to Ms. Pillsbury when I wasn't sure whether or not I was ready to give myself to Jesse. I couldn't talk to my fathers or Rabbi Greenburg." She pulled me into her arms.

"So, what do we do now?"

"We should start simple. Dinner?"

"I'd love to, Rachel." We walked to her car, but saw Jesse sitting by his. I decided to go talk to him.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I feel awful, you know."

"I know. You shouldn't though. I forgave Finn so many times. I can forgive you too."

"Did he ever throw eggs at you?"

"_An_ egg and no. But he broke up with me to go out with Brittany and Santana. And made me think he liked me so he could use my voice to get him a glee scholarship in order to provide for his pregnant girlfriend. He broke my heart so many times, Jesse. You hurt me a few times, sure. But love isn't love without the pain." I hugged him.

"I'm so sorry, you know."

"I do. But I forgave you. So, can we just get back together now?" he nodded and hugged me back.

"I need to go though. Call me?"

"Wouldn't miss it."

~X~

"So, Rachel, what did you want to start with?"

"What did your female lead say about a baby?" I asked curiously.

"I adopted Beth from Quinn and Puck." I smiled sadly.

"What's wrong?" She asked me.

"It's just you don't need another daughter!"

"Rachel, you are my daughter. The one I gave birth to. Nothing can change that. I only broke contact with you because I didn't think you needed me."

"I'll always need you, Mom." I don't call her that very often.

"Would you like to stay at my house tonight? I have plenty of room and would like to get to know you better."

"Sure, under one condition."

"Anything."

"Will you pick me up from school tomorrow? It's our last Glee rehearsal and I'm sure that Puck and Quinn would like to know that you named her Beth."

"I'd love to. You need to call your dads and we can go get some of your things before picking Beth up from daycare." My dads were okay with it. They weren't happy that I sought her out, but they understood that I needed a mother and said I could stay over as often as I wanted.

It wasn't long before we were at her house with little Beth. Mom agreed to take me shopping tomorrow to buy stuff to keep here.

"Shelby?" the boy sitting on the couch said.

"Hello, Jesse. Rachel's staying over, hope you don't care." He raised one of his perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Jesse lives with me. His parents are always out of town and he doesn't like being at his house alone."

"Oh."

"Shelby, we could have a problem. We live in a three bedroom house. One for you, one for me, one for Beth."

"I was planning on throwing Rachel in your room, if you were both okay with that."

"That's fine with me." I said.

"You really thought we would object?"

"No. I know Hiram and Leroy won't care either." I grabbed my stuff for tonight and followed Jesse up to his room.

"You can set your stuff down anywhere. Shelby said she's taking you shopping in the morning, so you won't need it for long. You might as well not even unpack it."

"Thanks, Jesse, for letting me stay here."

"It's not a problem, Rachel. Just know that we get up early in this house."

"I get up at six every morning, even on weekends."

"So, you got that gene. I get up at six and go running before doing vocal exercises, you?"

"Elliptical."

"We don't have one, but you can come running with me." I grinned.

"I'd like that. Thanks, Jesse."

"I'm going to go downstairs and grab some juice. Do you want any? You can change while I'm gone." I told him yes and he left. I slipped on my pajamas and he soon returned. We drank the juice in silence and he soon entered the bathroom to change himself. I adjusted the bed, luckily we both sleep on different sides. When he returned, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me.

"Night, Rach." He said, attempting to let go of me. I ignored him and snuggled into his chest before quickly falling into a deep sleep.

AN3: I have so many ideas for these and I don't know how long it's going to be before I get them out. So, if you want to write one that I have an idea and a title for, feel free. I also have a bunch of titles if you want to come up with what it is. Also, you can choose a title. I prefer if it is a line from a song though. Most of them are.

I'm not sure how I feel about this one...


	10. I'll Never Let Them Go

I'll Never Let Them Go

Summary: When Rachel loses some people that are important to her, how will she react? Will she get through it? Who will help her?

P.S. I'll try to make this as happy as I can! Oh, and to make this work the way I want it, I'm going to have to switch point of view a lot. And I only picked the song for a title. There will be no other Spring Awakening mentions, as much as I love it.

~X~

_Those you've known,_

_And lost, still walk behind you._

_All alone, they linger 'til they find you_

_Without them, the world grows dark around you_

_And nothing is the same,_

_Until you know that they have found you_

_~X~_

"I'm sorry, Ms. Berry." Is the last thing I remember before collapsing to the ground, the phone landing hard first and cracking. My friends ran up behind me, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Hello?" I heard. "I'm Quinn Fabray, a friend of Rachel's. She collapsed."

"They what?"

"Oh, Lord…"

"Thank you, sir." The blonde ex-cheerleader hung up my cell phone. "Her fathers were in a car crash. One of them didn't make it. The other is flying up tomorrow. They want to bury him here."

"Rachel?" Finn said soothingly. I didn't reply. "You need to go home. Want me to drive you?" I didn't reply, so he picked me up and dragged me to my car.

~Quinn~

I feel bad for Rachel. We sort of became friends, bonding over Glee. I look forward to our occasional visit to my biological daughter and her adoptive sister, Beth. She's almost a year old now. The first time I ever felt anything other than hatred for Rachel was when she told Finn about the baby. I'm glad she did. A while after that, we started hanging out. Honestly, other than Mercedes and Kurt, Rachel is my best friend. I just don't think Finn's good for her. He's got a lot of emotional baggage that she doesn't need. His voice doesn't fit her and I just….well, it's kind of obvious. I was the only member of the club, other than Rachel, that even sort of liked Jesse. I knew they were perfect for each other. I still think, to this day, that he broke up with her because of Finn. The kid isn't stupid. He had to see how they looked at each other. Then, she sung _Run Joey Run_ and he sang part of _Total Eclipse of the Heart. _Plus, they sung _Faithfully_ at Regional's. That had to hurt.

"Get her to her room, Finn." I commanded. "Kurt, call Shelby Corcoran. She's probably in Rachel's cell phone under 'Mom.'"

Four hours later, we didn't know what to do. Nobody, not even her Daddy, could get Rachel to talk, sing, or even respond to us. I was flipping through her contacts, when I paused.

"You don't think…" I asked Mr. Schue, showing him the highlighted name.

"It's worth a try." I hit send.

"Rachel?" the voice said confused.

"No, it's Quinn. Get your ass her as soon as possible. I don't care how, just get here." I barked before hanging up.

Within two hours, he was walking through the front door.

"What's going on?"

"Rachel's Dad died. Her Daddy got home and immediately went to his room. She isn't responding to anybody. She won't talk to Finn, me, or her Mom. She hasn't even cried."

"Why am I here, though? She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, Jesse." I said to him. "She was heartbroken. And 'the magic of first love is our ignorance that it can end.'" I quoted.

"I'm not her first love, though. Hudson is."

"No, she thought he was. Finn…she liked that he sang and she could push him around. But he never challenged her mentally or vocally. Talk to her." He nodded and walked up the stairs.

~Rachel~

I heard a knock on my door, but I ignored it, like I'd ignored them all.

"Rachel, can I come in?" That was a voice I hadn't heard in a year.

"Jesse?" I croaked out. My voice was slightly hoarse from disuse.

"It's me." He said, opening the door. His face, I hadn't seen it in quite a while, but it looked exactly as I remembered it. "Quinn called me. She said you weren't talking."

"I don't want to talk."

"Then why are you?"

"I'm not sure." He chuckled and sat down next to me.

"I've missed you, Rachel."

"As reluctant as I am to admit it, I missed you too." I laid my head on his shoulder. "Will you just hold me?" He smiled shyly, very uncharacteristic for him, and wrapped his arms around me. I finally cried for my father. Soon, I drifted off to a restless sleep.

~Quinn~

I knocked on the door two hours after Jesse went up there, to make sure they didn't kill each other. I understand that they have a history, but now is not the time. Right now, Rachel just needs someone. And I feel that that someone is Jesse. But I knocked on the door anyway, just to make sure they were okay.

"Jesse?" I whispered softly before gently opening the door. They were asleep. Rachel was in Jesse's arms and they both looked content. Honestly, Rachel is sleeping better than she has since he left. I smiled and set the note I was holding down by them. After that, I left the room and headed back downstairs to spend time with Shelby and Beth.

~Rachel~

When I awoke, it was four in the afternoon. I was wrapped in the arms of a still-sleeping Jesse St. James. That's when I noticed the note. I picked it up and started reading.

_Rachel,_

_I was bored and doing some random pointless wandering on your internet. Here's what I came across: a bunch of quotes fitting your relationship with Jesse. I'll even explain them all to you._

_**The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can end.**__ Honey, he loves you. And I know that he was your first love. I know that you think it was Finn, but that's not true. Finn never challenged you, Jesse did. Finn would just listen and nod, but Jesse argued back. He can keep up with you. You both want to be stars. Finn just wants to go to college._

_**One of the hardest things in life is watching someone you love, love someone else. Jesse**__ isn't stupid. I'm sure he noticed how you acted around Finn. That's why he never liked him._

_**If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.**__ In my opinion, that's what he was trying to do with Finn. He understood that you could never fully love him while harboring these feelings for Finn. So, he made you hate him. He did this to set you free, let you realize that you needed him. I think it worked._

_**Trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as controlling who you fall in love with. **__He didn't ever have a choice, Rachel. I don't believe that he ever felt anything before he met you, except for music. But he did as soon as you said…well, sang Hello. And he couldn't help his feelings, as much as he wanted to some times._

_**It is better to lose your pride with someone you love, rather than lose your love because of your useless pride. **__Rachel, Jesse is proud. You love that about him. Imagine how much it hurt him to see you with Finn. Imagine how it must have looked to us, knowing that you had feeling for Finn. Imagine how he thought his friends would react if he said he had fallen in love with you and you had feelings for someone else._

_**The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings**__**. **__He was letting you go, so you would realize that you needed him. That's the only way he would ever fully have you, Rach._

_**Love is the harmony of two souls singing together.**__I truly believe that you two belong together, Rachel. You are soul mates. Your songs sing for each other._

_Above all, remember that you hurt him too. That is what truly will let the two of you forgive each other. Do I have to list what you did to him? No. Am I going to do it anyway? Yes._

_You sang Run Joey Run with two other guys, without telling him._

_You refused to sleep with him, because of Finn._

_You still had feelings for Finn and you didn't tell him._

_You never fully trusted him. You always had a slight inkling that he was a spy._

_You lied to him about your feelings for Finn._

_You let him move here and give up everything, only to break his heart._

_I know he did things to you too, so I'll list those as well._

_Let you fall in love with him, when he knew from the beginning you would end up hurt._

_Lied to you about his true intentions._

_Wasn't here when you needed him (Laryngitis)_

_Switched schools without telling you._

_Cracked an egg on your forehead._

_Whose list is longer? Just something to think about. Also, remember that he loves you._

_Love, _

_Quinn._

I smiled at what my recent friend wrote. It was so…Quinn, if that makes sense. I swear, the girl has gone sentimental since she had that baby. In a good way, though.

Jesse stirred beside me and looked worriedly at my tear-stained face.

"Why, Jesse? Why did you do it?"

"Now isn't the time to discuss this, Rachel."

"Yes, it is. I _need_ to talk about it now. I need the distraction. Please." I whispered. He sighed before speaking.

"There were many reasons. I met you by coincidence, you know. I never planned that. But when Mr. Schuester told Shelby about it, she made me do it."

"She made you spy on me?"

"No, she wanted to know you. She asked me to talk to you, lead you to her."

"Was it necessary to embarrass me in front of our Glee clubs or egg me?"

"I really am sorry about that part. I should have told you alone. But I knew that if I did, I would never be able to do it. I loved you too much. It hurt to see you, Rachel. See you knowing that you had feelings for Hudson. I knew that you could never fully love me until you had a chance to confront your feelings about him. I also knew that a long distance relationship would never work. I figured that if you hated me, you could move on. I knew that I would see you eventually. Hopefully, by then, you would have been ready. It almost killed me to see you sing _Faithfully_ with him."

"I saw your show face slip during '_love me and leave me to die.'_" I wrapped my arm around him and, suddenly overcome with emotion, burst into tears. He just sat there, holding me, whispering words of comfort into my ear, and let me cry into his chest.

"What's this?" he asked once I was finally finished crying.

"A note from Quinn, telling me all of the reasons you told me, except for the long distance one. She also pointed out all of my mistakes."

"Can I read it?" I nodded.

"She's right. I do love you." He says once he's done, pressing his lips to my hair.

"I love you too, Jesse. I always have. I gave Finn a chance and he blew it. He messed up so many more times than you did." He nodded. "You can kiss me, if you want to."

"I want to; I just don't know if I should."

"Shut the hell up and kiss me, Jesse." He obliged.

I was still grieving, but his being there helped. And I knew, that if Jesse was there with me, I would get through it. Even if he eventually left me, I know that both he and Dad would always be in my heart. I'll never let them go.

(AN: I don't mean to insinuate that he will leave her, it just fit. And I didn't like any additions that I added to the end. Sorry it took so long. I've been distracted. I'm a tad scatterbrained at times. I once almost went to a friend's house for the weekend without a pillow or shoes. And she lives thirty-five minutes away.)


	11. Written

Written

Summary: A series of letters between a separated Rachel and Jesse.

(AN: _Rachel, _**Jesse**)

~X~_  
There's love in every letter written  
A hope that gets me through the day  
Forever is never too long to wait_

Someday soon we'll be together  
Where a moment last forever  
Our love shines  
Brighter than the stars

Until then I will remember  
Every word and every letter  
The promises  
You've written on my heart

_~X~_

**December 4, 2011**

**Rachel,**

**I know, I have no right to contact you.**

**I want to start by saying how sorry I am. Sorry for what I did to you. I'm not going to give you my excuses. I know that you don't want them and I don't deserve them. But I really did love you.**

**I miss talking to you. You are my best friend. And, sure, I love you romantically, but I'll take anything I can get. I need you, Rachel. College sucks. I need a best friend's opinion.**

**As I already said, college sucks. I've realized that I'm not the star anymore. I'm just some egotistical kid from Nowhere, Ohio. Sure, I've always been talented. They know that, but here, talent isn't everything. I have to work for once. Thank god for Shelby Corcoran's insane practices.**

**The only part I've gotten is an understudy. The classes are tough. And I miss you. I don't miss Vocal Adrenaline or Shelby or any of it. You are what I miss. I don't even miss my family. Hell, what family? You know how I feel about them. Trust me, the feeling is mutual. They never liked me. They didn't even like my talent. They just wanted me out of the house. Did you know, they never once went to a Vocal Adrenaline event of mine? It was all about them. Even my uncle didn't care about me.**

**Well, I'm going to go now. I have class in fifteen minutes, for one. Another is that I shouldn't have written this in the first place. You never deserved any of what I did to you. The least I can do is leave you alone.**

**-Jesse**

_December 8, 2011_

_Jesse,_

_I'll admit, when I first saw your letter several things ran through my mind. The first was to throw it away. The second was to burn it. The third was to read it and get it over with and the fourth was to cry. I chose a combination of the third and fourth. I read it, but I cried too._

_I miss you. As much as I shouldn't, I really do. You were my best friend too, the only one who truly understood me. I miss the sound of our voices harmonizing perfectly. You have a voice that could make an angel cry._

_I'm sorry that you hate it so much at the University of California-Los Angeles (I know, it's in Los Angeles. I actually have heart of it :D) I know that you are by far one of the most talented people I know. I loved you for it. I really loved you. I loved you for you. You were Jesse, the boy who was crazy about me and never hurt me. Jesse, the person. I also met Jesse St. James, the star of Vocal Adrenaline, when you showed up on that stage without telling me. Jesse St. James, the monster, when you were throwing eggs at me._

_I can't forgive you, not yet. But I miss talking to you, so we'll compromise at that for now._

_High School sucks too. On the bright side, I haven't been slushied in about three hours. And it wasn't even grape, my favorite. It was cherry. I don't like cherry. The classes aren't hard, I'm an honors student. But Glee isn't fun anymore. They are all obsessed with winning. It's no longer about how the singing makes us feel. Remind me, the next time you are in town, even though it may be years. You can come to Glee with me, I don't care how much they hate you. We can show them what singing is about._

_I must go. Finn is being Finn and insisting that I talk to him. Let's pretend for fifteen seconds that he listens when I talk anyway. You listened._

_Love,_

_Rachel*_

**December 10, 2011**

**Rachel,**

**I love how you still put a star by your name every time you sign it!**

**Finn? Are you dating him again? I know, it's not my business. I knew you would end up with him though. There were too many questions, too much past. You couldn't fully love anyone else until you were no longer curious about what could have been.**

**They're throwing those at you again? I thought I stopped them a while ago! Anyone I can beat up for it? Or at least verbally scold through MySpace?**

**Sorry, I'll stop being the overprotective boyfriend. I'm not your boyfriend anymore. I lost that right.**

**You should post more videos on MySpace. I love watching you sing.**

**I know, it's short. But I have class, again. I'll talk to you soon.**

**-Jesse.**

_December 13, 2011_

_Jesse,_

_No, Finn and I are not together. I was too heartbroken after I lost you. He kept pushing and one day I snapped. I finally realized that my feelings for him had changed. You are my best friend, Jesse. You can ask me personal questions._

_And, no, you can't beat anybody up. You also cannot yell at them on MySpace._

_It's okay to be protective of me. I understand that it's a habit for you._

_I'll post a video as soon as I can. Tonight sound good to you?_

_How is your personal life going? Any girlfriends? I don't mean to be forward, just curious._

_Have you told any of your friends about me? The old ones. I understand if you haven't._

_Oh, Dad is calling me to dinner. I'll see you soon. I miss your voice. Don't be afraid to post a video of your own._

_Love,_

_Rachel*_

**December 18, 2011**

**Rachel,**

**Happy Birthday! Are you glad to finally be seventeen? I'm sorry I can't be there to say it in person. I attached my gift, I hope you like it.**

**I'm glad you aren't too upset about my overprotectiveness. I can't help it.**

**I saw your video. That song is very you. You no longer need to work on your emotional depth, Rach.**

**No, I don't have a girlfriend. Not even anything casual. I've been too busy and I miss you too much.**

**I haven't told my old friends because I don't want them to do anything to you. They think that a good performer is heartless and I am no longer. They might want revenge, blame you.**

**I'm assuming you haven't told your friends, yet, either. Otherwise, I think they would have contacted me in some way. Hudson and Puckerman would probably even come see me in L.A.**

**-Jesse**

_January 2, 2012_

_Jesse,_

_Thanks for the birthday wishes. I loved the gift, but I would rather see you in person. I'm sorry it took so long to reply, but I've been busy over the holidays. It's been too long. Too long since you've held me in your arms. Too long since I've kissed your lips. Too long since I've heard your voice, heard you sing. Too long since I've heard the perfection that results in us singing together. Listen, I think it would be okay for you to call me. My number is still the same, if you have it. If not, it's 654-321-7890._

_Just so you know, Finn and I have always had issues. The guy is damn selfish._

_One, he quit Glee because his football team shot paintballs at him._

_Two, he led me on, when he had a girlfriend._

_Three, he led me on to get a scholarship s he could provide for his pregnant girlfriend_

_Four, he stood me up at the picture, making me take it alone._

_Five, he quit Glee because said girlfriend's baby wasn't his._

_Six, he went on a date with Santana and Brittany while dating me._

_Seven, he broke up with me to 'find his inner rockstar.'_

_Eight, he told the Glee Club I was dating you, causing them to give me an ultimatum._

_Nine, he decided that even though I was taken, he was going to try to get me back._

_Ten, he slept with Santana and lied about it._

_Eleven, he slashed the tires of Vocal Adrenaline_

_Twelve, he tried to beat you up. That would've hurt me and I think he knew it._

_Thirteen, he told me he loved me before performing with me at Regional's when he knew I still loved you._

_We all make mistakes, Jesse. My mistakes were great, that stupid video for one, but you forgave me._

_One thing I love about you is that you challenge me. Finn never insults my singing, no one does. He doesn't laugh when I punch him for making fun of me, he never even makes fun of me. I once heard that you should be more worried if you aren't criticized or teased. Especially if you once were. Finn never even said we should sing. You always sang when I wanted to, even in public. Sometimes, it was even your idea. Finn was never like that._

_I apologize for my ramblings, and I love you,_

_Rachel*_

_P.S. I love it when you call me Rach. I always have._

**January 10, 2012**

**Rachel,**

**Thanks for not hanging up when I called you. It was great to hear your voice again. Is the Glee Club still giving you a hard time? **

**How is the Glee Club? Kurt? Mercedes? Are they still pestering you about solos? What about Quinn and Santana? Does Brittany still think I'm Mr. Schuester's son? Does Finn still suck at dancing and struggle to keep up with you vocally?**

**I know that I can talk to you other ways now, but it is more fun to write letters.**

**Just note that you are the first to know, but I got a part! It's a small one, in a smaller campus musical, but I still got it!**

**I have rehearsals, but I'll talk to you soon.**

**Love,**

**Jesse.**

_January 21, 2012_

_Jesse,_

_I was glad to hear your voice again._

_Yes, the other members of New Directions are still giving me issues._

_Kurt is okay. He still is offended that I'm better than him and hates my fashion, but isn't as vocal about it. Mercedes is the same. Brittany is still Brittany. She probably forgot that one specific one, but she said something else yesterday. What was it? Oh, yeah, she publically announced that she was in love with Santana. Santana was really mad at her. Obviously, she reciprocates the feelings. Of course Finn still can't dance. He also fails at singing with me. Can't you come back to school? Our voices worked together._

_Call me soon! I miss your voice._

_Congratulations on the part. That's exciting. I wish I could see it._

_Love,_

_Rachel*_

_P.S. don't think that I didn't notice how you signed it :D_

**May 12, 2012**

**Rachel,**

**Congratulations on getting to National's! Just hold tight, you are almost there. And I think you can win. Vocal Adrenaline shouldn't have won two years ago, you should have. And this year, they don't have me **_**or**_** Shelby Corcoran. How is Shelby by the way? And the baby? Shelby was one of those people that could make me do anything. I owed her, you know.**

**I plan to come home and visit this summer. I'll see you then?**

**Love,**

**Jesse**

_Jesse,_

_If you come back this summer and don't come see me, bad things will happen._

_Love,_

_Rachel*_

_P.S. Shelby and the baby are good._

That was the last time Rachel heard from Jesse. Today was National's. She was singing a beautiful version of Stellar Kart's _Letters_ as their finale.

"Far from home You find me  
Amidst the lost and dying  
Nothing is fair in love and war

Worlds apart in desperation  
Please erase this separation  
Only you are worth fighting for

There's love in every letter written  
A hope that gets me through the day  
Forever is never too long to wait

Someday soon we'll be together  
Where a moment last forever  
Our love shines  
Brighter than the stars

Until then I will remember  
Every word and every letter  
The promises  
You've written on my heart  
On my heart

I see the darkness blinding  
And all that's left are my dreams  
To save me from the night

Your words of hope remind me  
Somewhere the sun is shining  
And don't give up the fight

'Cause there's love in every letter written  
A hope that gets me through the day  
Forever is never too long to wait

Someday soon we'll be together  
Where a moment last forever  
Our love shines  
Brighter than the stars

Until then I will remember  
Every word and every letter  
The promises  
You've written on my heart  
On my heart

Someday soon we'll be together  
Where a moment last forever  
Our love shines  
Brighter than the stars

Someday soon we'll be together  
Where a moment last forever  
Our love shines  
Brighter than the stars

Until then I will remember  
Every word and every letter  
The promises  
You've written on my heart  
On my heart, on my heart." That's when she spotted him. Standing in the back, where she stood during _Bohemian Rhapsody_, Jesse St. James was staring at her with a grin on his face. He understood the song, even if the Glee Club didn't. During the break, she ran to him and jumped into his arms.

"Whoa, Rach." She grinned and kissed him gently, not letting him go.

"Oh, god, I missed you." He said when she pulled away.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, school is out for the summer and I thought I'd come for your performance and stay until you left Ohio."

"Are you coming to graduation?"

"Wouldn't miss it. You came to mine, even though you hated me."

"I promised."

"And I promise to come to yours."

"Guess what!" she yelled randomly hours later when they were watching Funny Girl on the airplane.

"What?"

"I'm going to UCLA with you next year." She said, finally spilling her information.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. My dads already okayed it." He stood up and took her in his arms before spinning her around like he used to. The flight attendants didn't react real well, but they didn't care. They were in love, they were happy, and they were together.


	12. Two Strangers

Two Strangers Learn to Fall In Love Again

Summary: There have been five years, marriages, tears, and children. Will anything convince them they belong together?

~X~

_Through time and space, always another show._

_Wondering where I am, lost without you._

_And being apart ain't easy on this love affair._

_Two strangers learn to fall in love again._

_I get the joy of rediscovering you._

_~X~_

Rachel Berry-Hudson did not cry as she signed her divorce papers and became Rachel Berry again. Her marriage of two years to Finn Hudson was not working out. Unfortunately, their daughter Allison was three years old. Finn didn't want anything to do with her, she was all Rachel's. Rachel didn't know how she was going to juggle her Broadway career and being a single mother. Luckily, her best friend, Quinn, and her mom lived nearby. Her mom had a daughter of her own, Beth was ten.

Quinn loved children and was expecting one of her own in a few short months. Quinn's husband, Noah Puckerman, wanted to name the magical little boy James, but with the similarities to _his_ name, Quinn was protesting.

_He_ was Rachel's ex and one reason her marriage didn't work out. She still loves him; even after all he did to her. It's been ten years since Rachel Berry saw Jesse St. James.

The other reason was her baby. Finn never wanted a child, but when Rachel got pregnant she was overjoyed. She always wanted to be a mother and felt that she would have talented children. At first, once Allie was here, he was okay with it. Then he got cold and detached. So, finally, for her daughter's own good, Rachel asked for a divorce. They hadn't been getting along well for months. She didn't blame anybody, just bad chemistry.

The funny thing was that she knew where Jesse was. He was in New York, a Broadway star like her. Luckily, they hadn't run into each other yet, but she has gone to every one of his shows. And when she thinks about him, she remembers the way it felt to run her fingers through his curls and kiss his soft lips. She remembers the way their voices sounded as they sang. But most of all, she imagines that he was Allie's father. She wasn't sure about his personal life; he might have a girlfriend, or even be married.

"Hello, Rachel." Jennifer said as the younger girl walked into her apartment to drop off her baby. She knew that Rachel was divorced and heartbroken, but not about the divorce. Honestly, she didn't fully know the circumstances. The girl's husband didn't even like the baby, as cute as she was. Jennifer only met Finn Hudson once, but she didn't like him.

"Hey, Jen. Thanks for doing all this for me. I've been stressed lately."

"You need to date again."  
"I can't!"

"Why not?" She asked the adamant younger girl.

"Because I still love him!"

"You never loved Finn, Rachel. Even I could see that."

"Not Finn. I met a guy in high school. I fell in love with him, he broke my heart, but I've always felt that deep down, he really loved me. He just did what he had to do to get out of Ohio." Allie Berry, her name was changed when the divorce was finalized, started crying at this point.

"Mama, don't leave me!" Rachel's gut wrenched.

"I'm going to play the piano and calm her down." Rachel said as she walked into the other room. Someone was already there, playing a familiar song.

**I've been alone with you inside my mind.**

**And in my dreams, I've kissed your lips a thousand times.**

**I sometimes see you pass outside my door.**

**Hello, is it me you're looking for?** The brunette flinched when she heard the familiar voice, but she joined in at her original cue. Allie calmed down the minute her mother's voice joined the song.

_**I can see it in your eyes,**_

_**I can see it in your smile.**_

_**You're all I've ever wanted,**_

_**And my arms are open wide.**_

'_**Cause you know just what to say,**_

_**And you know just what to do.**_

_**I want to tell you so much, I love you.**_

**I long to see the sunlight in your hair.**

_And tell you time and time again how much I care._

_**Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow.**_

_**Hello, I've just got to let you know.**_

'_**Cause I wonder where you are,**_

_**And I wonder what you do.**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely,**_

_**Or is someone loving you?**_

_**Tell me how to win your heart,**_

_**For I haven't got a clue,**_

_**But let me start by saying, I love you.**_

_**Is it me your looking for?**_

'_**Cause I wonder where you are,**_

_**And I wonder what you do.**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely,**_

_**Or is someone loving you?**_

_**Tell me how to win your heart,**_

_**For I haven't got a clue,**_

_**But let me start by saying, I love you. **_Rachel had tears running down her face when Jesse St. James turned around to look at her for the first time in five years. The toddler sitting next to him calmed down and snuggled into her father's arm.

"Rachel?" he asked.

"Hello, Jesse." She was really surprised when he stood up and hugged her.

"Oh, god, I missed you."

"Rachel? Mr. St. James?" Jennifer walked in behind the embracing pair, confused.

"Just call him Jesse." Rachel said.

"Rachel Barbara Berry! Who said you could tell her that? Not that I mind," he added.

"Jesse Michael St. James!" she mocked.

"I take it you two know each other." Jennifer said in reply to the arguing two.

"Since high school." Jesse replied.

"We dated." Rachel added bitterly. Jennifer's eyes widened.

"So, he's…"

"Yes!" Rachel replied, sort of angry sounding.

"Rachel, this is my daughter, Juliet." The brunette raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. She understood the parallels of his daughter's name and their Romeo and Juliet romance of so long ago.

"Allison."

"Hudson's?"

"Not anymore. We're divorced. He didn't want her."

"Anna felt the same about Jules." _So he's divorced, _Rachel thought. _Interesting._

"You two need to talk about some issues. I'm the babysitter, so leave your children. You can stay away as long as you want." Jennifer commanded. Rachel rolled her eyes, but grabbed Jesse's wrist and left, after putting Allison down and saying goodbye to the girls. They went to an Italian restaurant and decided to just sit and talk.

"Why?" was the first question Rachel asked.

"Why did I break up with you? There are many reasons. Why did I throw eggs at you? There are reasons for that too."

"Both."

"I broke up with you for a combination of several reasons. You had to realize that you didn't love Finn. And a long distance relationship wouldn't have worked. Also, I needed you to learn to be less naïve. I couldn't stand if you got hurt because you were so trusting."

"But why the eggs?" She interrupted, accepting his previous reasons.

"I needed to make you hate me, for Finn. So you could move on."

"Alright, I forgive you."

"So easily?"

"It's been years, Jesse. I forgave you a long time ago, I just wanted to know the answers. And I hurt you too. Or do you not remember _Run, Joey, Run_?"

"I hate that song now." She laughed before grabbing his hand and leaving the restaurant. They walked down the streets of New York, laughing and catching up. Unfortunately, they both had to go to work.

"I have a confession to make." Rachel stated just before they parted. "I've been to every one of your shows."

"That's funny. I've been to all of yours." They wrapped their arms around each other for a quick hug and left to go to work.

~X~

_Hey, Rachel. Dinner tonight before we pick up Allie and Jules?_ Rachel grinned before replying to Jesse's text message.

_I'd love to. Just let me know where and I can meet you._

_Lattanzi at eight?_

_A Jewish/Roman restaurant, Jesse?_

_Does this mean you don't want to come? You are Jewish, after all._

_Of course I want to come. __ I'll see you then._

_Bye, Rach. I have to go back to work now._

_Bye, Jess._

Rachel smiled as she said goodbye before rushing home to change before her 'date.' Actually, she wasn't entirely sure what it was. She threw on a pink tie-dyed dress and white leggings. Rachel grabbed her white cardigan sweater and pink Mary Jane flats before running out of the door of her apartment. (AN: This outfit is under my polyvore account. Search VampireLover26).

"Hi, Jesse," she said breathlessly once she reached the restaurant. She kissed him on the cheek and sat down, looking at the vegan section of the menu.

"You look beautiful, Rachel." He complimented.

"Thank you. You look rather dashing yourself." She replied formally before laughing. They ate luxuriously, just wanting to spend time together.

We were at the door to my apartment when he paused, hesitation visible in his eyes.

"You can kiss me, if you want to." She said with a slight smile. He complied. They kissed gently for a few minutes before his mouth moved down to his neck.

"Come inside." She whispered. He pulled back to look at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She said without hesitation.

"What about the girls?"

"Hold on." Rachel pulled out her cell phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hi, Rachel." Her best friend said.

"Hey, Quinn. Can you do me a favor?" she asked the heavily pregnant girl.

"Sure."

"Will you go pick up Allie from Jennifer's?"

"I'd love to. Do you want her to stay here too?"

"If you don't mind. One more thing. Will you pick up Juliet too?"

"Juliet?"

"Jesse's daughter."

"St. James?"

"Yes."

"Why am I picking up his daughter and having her spend the night at my house?"

"Because he's currently at mine…."

"Rachel Barbra Berry! I want details tomorrow!"

"Alright. Thanks, Quinn."

"No prob, Rach." The girls hung up and Rachel let Jesse into her apartment. He was nibbling on her ear when she suddenly yelped.

"What's wrong?"

"My earring. You pulled on it."

"Since when have you had your cartilage pierced?"

"I got it done the day you broke up with me." He was slightly shocked, she could tell.

They didn't pause again until he was sliding her leggings over her hips.

"A tattoo, Rachel?" he asked, staring at the star pattern on her right hip.

"The day I filed for a divorce." She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to her bedroom.

~X~

Rachel Berry put on Jesse St. James's black button up shirt before getting up and making some tea for the man.

The pair was sitting on the couch, just talking about their past and how they still loved each other when there was a knock at her.

"I come bearing children!" Quinn yelled through the door. "So, make sure you are decent."

"Quinn Allison Puckerman!" Rachel reprimanded as she opened the door.

"St. James, ever heard of a shirt?"

"Puckerman, ever heard of manners?"

"Yeah, I have, and they don't include being naked in front of other people."

"We weren't in front of other people. Therefore, I didn't need a shirt until you came barging in."

"You are still an ass."

"You are still a bitch."

"Enough, there are little ears." A sleeping Allison heard her mother's voice and woke up.

"Mama!"

"Hi, baby girl. Did you have fun at Aunt Quinn's?"

"Uh-huh. I got to feel the baby kick!"

"Oh, honey, that's great." Jesse walked over and grabbed Juliet out of her stroller too.

"Daddy!" the three year old yelled, wrapping her arms around her father's neck. The adults introduced each other to their children and Jesse agreed to take the girls to lunch.

"Don't go into too many details, Rachel." He said with a grin before leaving with two three year olds in tow.

"How was the date?"

"Amazing! He still loves me! And he explained earlier about everything."

"Jennifer told me you went out for coffee. Now, how was the sex?"

"Quinn!"

"That good, huh?"

"Yes." Rachel admitted sheepishly.

"So, are you officially back together? And did he notice the tattoo?"

"Yes and yes."

"Go get dressed. I want to go shopping. I need baby clothes!"

"He isn't due for two and a half months, Quinn."

"And? James is going to need clothes. He can't come home naked."

"So, you agreed to the name?"

"I did, now go get dressed." The brunette quickly dressed in a light blue skirt with a bow and a black cardigan sweater. The look was completed with her black bow tights and blue flats. She paired it with the silver heart and star necklace Jesse got her in high school.

"I want a baby." Rachel complained hours later. "I miss Allie's little stage."

"Well, talk to that boyfriend of yours."

"Talk to me about what?" the aforementioned boyfriend said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Nothing."

"I don't believe you."

"I love you!" he raised an eyebrow at her.

"Okay, fine, I miss having a baby."

"I do too, but Rachel, it's too soon to have a baby."

"I know, it's just…" he laughed and kissed her forehead.

"Let's give it some time."

~X~

Rachel Barbra St. James smiled before texting her husband.

_Can you come home? And bring me a few boxes of pregnancy tests?_

_I'll be right there. _Twenty minutes later, he was running into the door of their apartment. Allie and Juliet were at daycare and Rachel has been sick lately. Hence why she was home alone. He wrapped her in his arms as they settled down to wait.

The pair both took deep breaths when the timer finally went off, before looking down at the results of the four tests.

_Pregnant._

AN: It will be at least a week before I have the next one up. I'm at church camp next week, without a computer. I leave tomorrow and get home a week from Monday.


	13. Our Daddies Used to Joke

Our Daddies Used to Joke About the Two of Us.

Summary: My dads used to joke that I'd grow up and fall in love with Jesse. Too bad I hate him.

_~X~_

_Our daddies used to joke about the two of us_

_Growing up and falling in love,_

_And our Mamas smiled,_

_And rolled their eyes._

_And said, "Oh, my my my."_

_~X~_

I was storming out of McKinley High School's Auditorium when I ran into Vocal Adrenaline. Literally. Most importantly, I ran into Jesse St. James. Or Jesse St. Jackass, as I call him.

He is the lead of Vocal Adrenaline and we are rivals. The truth is, when we were young we were good friends. But, once we were in high school, we started to hate each other. The past four years have been hell. We are both seniors now and still fight all the time. I guess I kind of resent him for our falling apart.

"Whoa, Berry, what's your damage?" Caroline Campbell, the female lead, sneered.

"What the hell are you doing here, Campbell?"

"I would like to talk to Mr. Schuester, baby." Shelby Corcoran, my mother, said as she walked out from behind Caroline.

"He's in the auditorium, Mom. And can you get St. Jackass away from me?"

"Rachel Barbra Berry! Watch your language. Kids, go into the auditorium and sit down." I pushed my way pass St. Jackass and walked into the auditorium.

"Rachel? Why did you come back?" Mr. Schuester asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"My mom wants to talk to you." Mom followed him out of the auditorium and I walked up to my team before introducing them to the members of Vocal Adrenaline.

"So that's Caroline Campbell. She's a bitch." Quinn Fabray, my best friend said.

"Everybody, least, but not last, is Jesse St. Jackass, the male lead."

"It's St. James."

"Oh, sorry, I stopped caring when you did." I snapped coldly.

"Rach, I apologized."

"One, no you didn't. Two, don't call me that!"

"I'll call you what I want, _Rach._" Before I could retort, my mom and Mr. Schuester came back into the room.

"It's been decided." Mom said.

"What has?" Quinn asked.

"This summer, when Vocal Adrenaline goes on their annual tour, New Directions is coming too."

"What?" Thirty six voices shouted at once. "No!" Jesse and I were the only ones who kept our show faces and didn't say anything.

"Guys, they have made up their minds. When Mom makes a decision, it's permanent."

"Coach never backs down." Jesse added.

"Oh, and we want you to all get along. You will get your seating charts and rooming assignments as soon as we make them up. You are dismissed."

~X~

A week later, I was sitting next to Jesse St. James on a bus to New York, our first stop. My traitor of a mother paired me with him for everything. The two of us are paired with Quinn and his best friend, Noah Puckerman. Puck, as they call him, is also in Vocal Adrenaline.

"I can't believe your mom put you with him for everything!" Quinn was there shortly after Jesse, so she knows everything. The pregnant ex-cheerleader sat down on her bed in the hotel with a sigh. Yes, Quinn is pregnant. The father, well, only four people know who he is.

We were playing Truth or Dare a few hours later when the subject came up again.

"So, Fabray, who is your baby's father? Do you even know?" Caroline Campbell sneered.

"Of course I know."

"Then who is it?"

"Just drop it, Campbell." I snapped.

"Whoa, Berry, defensive much?"

"Caroline, leave them alone." Said one person you wouldn't expect. Yes, Jesse St. James is one of the four. The four are Quinn, me, Jesse, and Puck, who is the father. Jesse's commanding air made Caroline shut up.

"Okay, kids, show time." Mom said coming in the door. "Jesse, Rachel, you know what we talked about."

"Do I have to, Mom?"

"Your Dads requested it. They want you two to sing your favorite song as a child." I groaned before following him on stage.

"Hello, everybody. As most of you know, I'm senior Jesse St. James. This year, we are doing something a little bit different. McKinley High School's No Directions has joined us on tour."

"It's New Directions." I corrected.

"Like I care. Anyway, this is Rachel Berry, daughter of Coach Corcoran."

"Yes, but I like her. I don't like you." I retorted. "And I'm perfectly capable of introducing myself."

"Whatever. Let's just sing that dreadful song."

"Actually, it's a lovely song. I just don't want to sing it with you."

"It is a good song. I just hate you."

"Well, I hate you too so it is okay."

"Rachel Barbra Berry! Jesse Michael St. James!" Mom yelled from back stage. "Just sing."

"Fine. Go to the stupid piano." I pushed him there.

"Rachel! Don't you dare get even, Jesse." Mom yelled again. "Sing! Now! Or I'll take away all your solos!"

**I've been alone with you inside my mind.**

**And in my dreams I've kissed your lips**

**A thousand times**

**I sometimes see you pass outside my door**

**Hello, is it me your looking for?**

_**I can see it in your eyes**_

_**I can see it in your smile.**_

_**Your all I've ever wanted**_

_**And my arms are open wide**_

'_**Cause you know just what to say**_

_**And you know just what to do**_

_**And I want to tell you so much, I love you.**_

_Oh, yeah._

**I long to see the sunlight in your hair**

_And tell you time and time again how much I care_

'_**Cause I wonder where you are**_

_**And I wonder what you do.**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely?**_

_**Or is someone loving you?**_

_**Hello, I've just got to let you know.**_

'_**Cause I wonder where you are**_

_**And I wonder what you do.**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely,**_

_**Or is someone loving you?**_

_**Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue.**_

_**But let me start by saying, I love you.**_

_**Is it me your looking for?**_

_**Cause I wonder where you are.**_

_**And I wonder what you do.**_

_**Are you somewhere feeling lonely?**_

_**Or is someone loving you?**_

_**Tell me how to win your heart, for I haven't got a clue.**_

_**But let me start by saying, I love you.**_

The audience and our teammates clapped, but Jesse and I were quick to put distance between us. Then it was time for our big group sing. We chose Kings of Leon's Use Somebody and put Finn at the lead.

_I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see  
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach  
You know that I could use somebody  
You know that I could use somebody_

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak  
Countless lovers under cover of the street  
You know that I could use somebody  
You know that I could use somebody  
Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep  
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat  
I hope it's gonna make you notice  
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me, someone like me  
Someone like me, somebody

I'm ready now, I'm ready now  
I'm ready now, I'm ready now  
I'm ready now, I'm ready now  
I'm ready now

Someone like you, somebody  
Someone like you, somebody  
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

Hours later, I was just walking around the city, taking it in, when I heard and angry voice.

"Mom! You are going to be ten minutes away. How hard is it to get out of one evening and come see your only child's performance?" I recognized that voice.

"Jesse?" I asked, once he'd hung up.

"Eavesdropping?"

"No. I was walking by and I wanted to make sure you were okay. You sounded pretty upset."

"I'm fine. Now go the hell away."

"God, Jesse. Why are you so damn defensive all the time?"

"Because that's how I was raised! You remember how my parents are."

"I do, but, Jesse, you aren't them. You care. You have feelings."

"You don't know me anymore!"

"You pushed me away! You used to tell me everything!"

"I couldn't, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Because every time I was near you I couldn't control myself."

"Control yourself?" That's when his lips met mine. Oh. I kissed him back as fiercely as he was kissing me. I was aching to wrap my legs around his waist when he pulled away. The second we separated, I was pulled out of the drowsy puddle.

"I...I don't know." I stuttered before running back to the hotel.

~X~

The next day, Jesse and I weren't talking. It was the day for us to do our solo songs. I smiled at sat down at the end of the stage to sing Lesley Roy's Crushed.

_Oh No  
It's bad_

Got me feeling so weak,  
When your holding my hand.  
You smile, I die,  
Cause I don't wanna feel what I'm feeling inside.  
It's too much, it's too late.  
I'm so into you.

I'd be crushed,  
If you walked away.  
I'd be lost.  
I'd be drowning in gray.  
I'd be rooted beyond repair.  
If you weren't there,  
I'd be crushed.

I swore,  
I would be in control of myself.  
What have you done with me?  
Your lips (your lips).  
My skin (my skin).  
I don't know where ya end  
And where I begin.  
I hate you,  
But I love you,  
So don't ever leave.

I'd be crushed,  
If you walked away.  
I'd be lost.  
I'd be drowning in gray.  
I'd be rooted beyond repair.  
If you weren't there,  
I'd be crushed

You got me falling.  
And I never wanted to feel like I do..  
I'm so into you.

Oh No.  
It's bad

CRUSHED!

If you walked away.  
I'd be lost.  
I'd be drowning in gray.  
I'd be rooted beyond repair,  
If you weren't there.

CRUSHED!

I'd be lost.  
I'd be drowning in gray.  
I'd be rooted beyond repair,  
If you weren't there!

Yeah!  
I'd be crushed.

Oh No. Oh No.

"Just so the person this song about knows, I need some time to process. Sorry." Jesse walked on stage with Puck, Aaron, Matt, and Mike.

"I know that we were supposed to do a solo, but I enlisted the help of a few friends. I hope you don't care, Coach."

"I do, but that's beside the point!" Mom yelled from backstage.

**[Puck:] It's gonna-be-me  
[Aaron:] Oh, yeah**

[Jesse:]  
You might've been hurt, babe  
That ain't no lie  
You've seen them all come and go, oh..  
I remember you told me  
That it **made**** you believe in  
No ****man****, no cry  
Maybe that's why**

[All:] Every little thing I do  
Never seems enough for you  
You don't wanna lose it again  
But I'm not like them  
Baby, when you finally,  
Get to love somebody  
Guess what,  


**[Jesse:] It's gonna be me..**

[Puck:]  
You've got no choice, babe  
I've got to move on, and you know  
There ain't no time to waste  
You're just too blind (too blind), too see  
But in the end, ya know it's gonna be me  
You can't deny  
So just tell me why

[All:] Every little thing I do  
Never seems enough for you  
You don't wanna lose it again  
But I'm not like them  
Baby, when you finally  
Get to love somebody (somebody)  
Guess what (guess what)  
[Jesse:] It's gonna be me

[Mike:] It's gonna be me  
[Matt:] Oh yeahhhhh...

[Jesse:]  
There comes a day  
When I'll be the one, you'll see..  
It's gonna-gonna-gonna-gonna-gonna

[Jesse:] It's gonna be me

[All:] All that I do  
Is not enough for you  
Don't wanna lose it  
But I'm not like that  
When finally (finally)  
You get to love  
Guess what (guess what)

Every little thing I do  
Never seems enough for you (for you babe)  
You don't wanna lose it again (don't wanna lose it)  
But I'm not like them  
Baby, when you finally  
Get to love somebody (love..)  
Guess what (guess what)  
It's gonna be me

Every little thing I do (ohh...)  
Never seems enough for you  
You don't wanna lose it again (don't wanna lose it)  
But I'm not like them  
Baby, when you finally (baby when you finally)  
Get to love somebody  
Guess what (guess what)

[Jesse:] It's gonna be me.. For the entire song, the boys were breaking out the boy band moves and the audience was laughing. In the end, the others threw themselves down to the floor, leaving only Jesse standing. Quinn walked on stage next. I heard the familiar notes of Taylor Swift's Mary's Song and cringed.

_She said, "I was seven and you were nine  
I looked at you like the stars that shined  
In the sky, the pretty lights  
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us  
Growing up and falling in love and our mamas smiled  
And rolled their eyes and said oh my my my_

Take me back to the house in the backyard tree  
Said you'd beat me up, you were bigger than me  
You never did, you never did  
Take me back when our world was one block wide  
I dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried  
Just two kids, you and I...  
Oh my my my my

Well, I was sixteen when suddenly  
I wasn't that little girl you used to see  
But your eyes still shined like pretty lights  
And our daddies used to joke about the two of us  
They never believed we'd really fall in love  
And our mamas smiled and rolled their eyes  
And said oh my my my...

Take me back to the creek _beds__ we turned up  
Two A.M. riding in your __truck__ and all I need is you next to me  
Take me back to the time we had our very first __fight__  
The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight  
You stayed outside till the morning light  
Oh my my my my_

A few years had gone and come around  
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town  
And you looked at me, got down on one knee

Take me back to the time when we walked down the aisle  
Our whole town came and our mamas cried  
You said I do and I did too  
Take me home where we met so many years before  
We'll rock our babies on that very front porch  
After all this time, you and I

I'll be eighty-seven; you'll be eighty-nine  
I'll still look at you like the stars that shine  
In the sky, oh my my my..."

"Rachel, I love you, but you can be rather dense. He loves you and you love him. I've always known it and your fathers have too. Just talk to him." I ran on stage and hugged her.

"I will," I whispered in her ear before running off stage to find Jesse.

AN: I had a hard time deciding how to end it, but this is how it ended up. I've decided to take a short break from this story to work on updating my other stories. I feel bad that I haven't updated them in so long! Unexpected Occurrences is first and I'm on page three. I'm thinking Destiny after that, but any opinions on the order will be considered!


	14. Important Information

I have a few announcements to make. Please read, it's important.

One- I would like to profusely apologize for not updating in a while. I've decided to go back and update some of my older stories that I haven't updated in forever. I'm actually currently working on Unexpected Occurrences.

Two- I read an awesome book this weekend. It's called _Hearts at Stake_ by Alyxandra Harvey. If you like vampires at all, read it. Then write Fanfiction because there are only two and that's depressing me. I like can't even express how much I love it. I've already convinced two people to read it, my sister _Gummyworm3 _and my new Fanfiction friend _Romanceluver91._ Because I'm such a nice person I'll even type up the summary on the back of the book.

_Nicholas smirked at me, easing languidly out of the shadows, totally invading my personal space. I hated that he was so handsome, with his tousled dark hair and his serious expression. There was something else in his expression suddenly, something slightly wicked. I took a step back, wondering why my stomach felt so funny. He advanced and I backed away, until I bumped into the log wall of the house. I remembered, too late, Solange's simplest warning about vampires: if you ran, they chased. It was just in their nature._

**Solange has always known she will become a vampire on her sixteenth birthday. And as the only female vampire born, not made, she is surrounded by danger. When she is kidnapped, it is up to her older brother Nicholas and her human best friend, Lucy, to save her. But can Lucy first save herself from Nicholas, who tempts her with every look? And what will Solange's own fate be if she surrenders her heart to the vampire hunter who has become her surprising ally against the bloodthirsty ruling class at the royal court?**

It's in the point of view of Solange and Lucy, so you can see what's happening in both locations. It's amazing. Seriously, read it.

Three- I'm also writing one of those. It would be hypocritical to tell you guys to and not do it myself. But I may wait to have a few chapters before I post it, like I did with _The Warren Line._

Four- Feel free to vote on what stories you think I should update next. I'll put a poll on my profile or you can just review. I will try to listen, but I will also try to write as the inspiration comes to me. My life is currently swamped and I've had little time to concentrate on writing.

Five- I'm also trying to work on my original story. I lost the first chapter, so I need to restart it entirely. I will post it on once I've gotten a few chapters written.

Six- I've decided to start carrying a notebook around, to jot down things when they come to me. This should help with the updating process.


	15. Mine

Mine

"Back again, Rachel?" Suzanne asked me as I walked into my favorite restaurant. I love and hate it. The food is amazing! They have a full vegan menu. The only problem is that they have karaoke every single day. This would be awesome, but most of the people who sing are terrible.

"You ask me that every day. I say the same thing every day. Why would I be here if it wasn't for the food?"

"Because you love critiquing the singing." I permitted a small grin.

"That's true. I do love it."

"Will you give us a number, sweetheart?"

"I don't know, Anna." That's what I called her. We were good friends.

"We got a new waiter! You need to show off your talents." I grinned at her enthusiasm.

"I think I should test out his singing first."

"I have a better idea. Do a duet with him."

"I'm in. Pick a song I know. I'll start here. He can start on stage." I didn't start to freak until I heard the familiar opening cords. This was a gutsy song for her to play, and she knew it. I looked at her incredulously. _Really?_ I said with my eyes. She nodded.

_Just too unreal, all this._

_Watching the words fall from my lips._

**Baiting some girl with hypotheses,**

_**Haven't you heard the word, of your body?**_

**Don't feel a thing, you wish**

_Grasping at pearls with my fingertips_

**Holding her hand like some little tease.**

_**Haven't you heard the word, of my wanting?**_

_**Oh, I'm gonna be wounded.**_

_**Oh, I'm gonna be your wound.**_

_**Oh, I'm gonna bruise you.**_

_**Oh, you're gonna be my bruise.**_

**Just too unreal all this.**

_Watching his world slip through my fist._

**Playing with her in your fantasies.**

_**Haven't you heard the word, how I want you?**_

_**Oh, I'm gonna be wounded.**_

_**Oh, I'm gonna be your wound.**_

_**Oh, I'm gonna bruise you.**_

_**Oh, you're gonna be my bruise.**_

He was good, I'll admit it. He would do well on Broadway. And obviously he knew enough to know the words to _the Word of Your Body_ from Spring Awakening. He even knew some of the dance moves. It's always been a favorite of mine. He was cute too, curly brown hair and gorgeous green eyes. A quick once over revealed muscles, in the arms and legs, he was a dancer, I could tell. Those arms were built for lifting.

"I'm Jesse." He said. "Jesse St. James."

"I'm Rachel Barbra Berry."

"Streisand?" he raised his eyebrows.

"She's always been a favorite of mine. An inspiration, if you will."

"So, did I pass your test?"

"You knew?"

"Suzanne told me that there was regular who would want to test me. She questioned my knowledge of Broadway."

"Well, I'm not done yet. We have a few more things to test." He raised an eyebrow.

"Catch me." I said as I ran into his arms. He actually caught me _and held me_. In high school, all of the guys dropped me. Only Finn Hudson managed to catch me, but I don't want to talk about him.

"Are you done?"

"Ballet? Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler."

**Turn around**

_Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming 'round._

**Turn around**

_Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears._

**Turn around**

_Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by._

_Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes._

**Turn around, bright eyes.**

_Every now and then I fall apart_

**Turn around, bright eyes.**

_Every now and then I fall apart._

_And I need you now tonight._

_And I need you more than ever._

_And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever._

_And we'll never be making it right._

'_Cause we'll never be wrong._

_Together we can take it to the end of the line, your love is like a shadow on me all of the time._

_I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark_

_I'm living in a powder keg and giving off sparks._

_I really need you tonight._

_Forever's gonna start tonight._

_Forever's gonna start tonight._

_**Once upon a time there was light in my life,**_

_**Now there's only love in the dark.**_

_**There's nothing I can do,**_

_**Total Eclipse of the Heart.**_

_**Turn around, bright eyes.**_

_Every now and then I fall apart._

_**Turn around, bright eyes.**_

_Every now and then I fall apart._

_And I need you now tonight._

_And I need you more than ever._

_And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever._

_And we'll only be making it right._

'_Cause we'll never be wrong._

_Together we can take it to the end of the line,_

_Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time._

_I don't know what to do,_

_I'm always in the dark._

_We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks._

_I really need you tonight!_

_Forever's gonna start tonight._

_Forever's gonna start tonight._

_Once upon a time, I was falling in love._

_**Now, I'm only falling apart.**_

_**There's nothing I can do.**_

_**Total Eclipse of the Heart.**_

_**Total Eclipse of the Heart.**_

_A Total Eclipse of the Heart._

**Turn around, bright eyes.**

"Alright, I'm satisfied with your talent. But now I get to ask you questions!" he grinned.

"Name the two main characters in Wicked."

"That's the best you got?"

"Of course not. Fine, I'll go harder. What part would you be best suited for in _Oklahoma!"_

"Curly."

"What part would your voice fit with best in Spring Awakening?"

"Melchior."

"What is Martha's last name in Spring Awakening?"

"Bessel."

"Who plays the lead in American Idiot?"

"John Gallagher Jr."

"And what other part did he play?"

"Moritz Steifel, Spring Awakening. My turn!"

"You would play who in Spring Awakening?"

"Wendla, naturally."

"Will you go out with me?"

"Yes." I grinned, answering without thinking, but not displeased with my answer.

~X~

Our first date went well. He found out why I was scared to love. See, my fathers, yes, I had two, got divorced. I was eight. They fought all the time. It was quite traumatizing.

That's why I'm so guarded. I'm scared of getting hurt again.

~X~

We had been dating for two months when he took me down to the lake. That's when I really started to believe in love. I can say why, he told me he loved me. His exact words were:

"Rach, I know that you don't believe in love. But, I do. And I love you. I don't expect you to say it back, now or ever, but I'm not really giving you a choice in the matter. I love you and you can't do anything about it."

I didn't tell him that I was starting to love him back.

~X~

We dated for six months when I moved some of my things to his place. I hadn't been able to tell him that I loved him, yet. We were laying on the couch, his head in my lap, when I realized it, I really loved him.

It was stressful when I moved in, though. We had bills, and how people thought of us to worry about. I didn't know how I felt about him or anything and I was just confused. I knew I had strong feeling for him, but that was as far as I went.

~X~

We had been dating for a year when we had our first major fight. It was two thirty a.m. We were tired and stressed.

"Rachel!"

"Jesse!" I mocked.

"And why can't I meet your fathers?"

"Because it hurts too much to see them!"

"I introduced you to my family!"

"I was eight, Jesse, the last time I saw Daddy!"

"Well, I can still meet him!"

"I don't even know where he is!"

"Find out!" I'd had enough and I ran outside, tears running down my face. He chased after me. I prepared myself for him to say goodbye, because that's what I knew. He gently grabbed my arm and I turned around to face him, tears still blazing in my eyes.

"I'll never leave you, Rachel. I remember how I felt when I took you to the water and told you I loved you. Every time I even glance at you, it reminds me of the first time I saw you. I fell in love with you! You are honestly, the best thing I've ever considered mine." Jesse pressed his lips to mine and our tears mingled with each other's.

"I love you, too." I whispered into his chest after we were done kissing. He pulled my head up in surprise and raised those damn eyebrows.

"It's hard for me to admit it, you know that, but I do love you, Jesse. I trust you. I know you won't leave me like my parents did."

"Of course I won't!" I laughed and kissed him again before pulling on his arm, so we could go back inside.

~X~

Four months later, he proposed.

Two months later, I finally agreed.

Six months after that, we got married. We sang _The Word of Your Body _and _Total Eclipse of the Heart_ at the wedding, just like we did all those years ago.

We were married for two years when Anna Elizabeth St. James was born.

Anna was eighteen months old when William Michael St. James joined our family.

Suzanne was their godmother and Anna was named after her.

Jesse finally met my parents when Anna was four. Dad went to the wedding, but Daddy never was around. I finally tracked him down. He apologized for missing my wedding and moved nearby to be near to his grandchildren.

Today, I have three grandchildren, Anna got married eight years ago. Jessica is six, Arianna is four, and Melchior is two. My daughter inherited our love of Spring Awakening.


	16. Speak Now

Speak Now

Summary: This was it. He was getting married. It was over.

_~X~_

_I'm not the kind of girl_

_Who should be rudely barging in_

_On a white veil occasion._

_But you are not the kind of boy_

_Who should be marrying the wrong girl._

_~X~_

This was it. He was getting married. It was over. I loved him, I still do.

We met in high school. We fell in love. We broke each other's hearts. I did something stupid. I cast him opposite two other guys. Then, he betrayed me. No, he didn't cheat on me. I guess I need to give you a summary of what happened between us. Fair warning, it's not pretty.

I was sixteen. It was 2010. It was my sophomore year of high school. I went to McKinley High School. He was eighteen. He was a senior. He went to Carmel. Our teams were rivals.

I met him by chance. We both regularly went to this one music store. I was looking for a song with the word 'hello' in it when I found a Lionel Richie book. It was perfect and I was about to grab it when it was snatched out of my hands by pianist fingers.

"Lionel Richie? One of my favorites."

"You're Jesse St. James."

"And you're Rachel Berry. I saw you at Sectional's. Your rendition of _Don't Rain on My Parade_ was flawed. You lack Barbra's emotional depth. But you're talented." I had grinned at his comment that was both an insult and a compliment at the same time. "Why don't we take it for a spin?" I agreed, however reluctantly after saying I was nervous, to which he responded:

"I remember when I used to get nervous." So, we sang. And it was like magic. I almost instantly fell in love with him. Our voices…they just fit. We planned another date for Friday.

My Glee Club found out and they weren't happy. They thought he was using me. We decided to keep it a secret. It was working well, until I told him I couldn't sleep with him because it would be like betraying my team. So, we didn't. And he moved to McKinley. We were happy, for a while. He even got slushied for me! Then, I cast him, Finn Hudson, and Noah Puckerman in a video of _Run Joey Run._ They were so mad at me. Jesse left for a week with Vocal Adrenaline. I was upset. He wasn't even there when I got laryngitis. He came back and all was good again. He even helped me find my mom. And then he left. He left me and went back to Vocal Adrenaline without telling me! And then he beat me at Regional's. We were all heartbroken that we lost. Oh, and before Regional's, his team threw eggs at me. He helped. I went to his graduation, but I didn't talk to him.

It's now 2014. I'm nineteen. He's twenty-one. We met up at my graduation a year ago. We worked past our…issues. Now, we are friends. But every day is hard. I love him so much. And then I got this:

_Rachel Barbra Berry,_

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of_

_Jesse Michael St. James and Jane Elisabeth Thompson_

_On Sunday, May 14, 2014._

_R.S.V.P. by May 6, 2014 to Jesse_

There was a note at the bottom.

_Ms. Berry,_

_I promised Jesse I would invite you._

_Don't come. Nobody wants you there. In fact, none of Jesse's old friends are invited. Only his new friends that I've introduced him to are invited._

_Call him and tell him you can't come. Tell that girl who got pregnant at sixteen the same._

_~Jane Elisabeth St. James~_

To say I was pretty upset was an understatement. I was super pissed and heartbroken. I whipped out my cell phone and sent a quick text to Jesse. _We need to talk. Now,_ it said. I got an affirmative in response and was told to meet him at the park in an hour.

The confrontation was useless. I didn't want to tell him about why I hated her.

"I'm not going."

"Why, Rach? You are my best friend, I want you there."

"Well, if you wanted me there so bad, you should have told me before I got the invitation. I already have plans." I lied. "I'm going home to Lima with Quinn."

"Nice to know how important I am to you!"

"How important you are? You didn't tell me you were getting married!" I stomped off before he could reply. I didn't go home, I went to Quinn's. She was my best friend, other than Jesse.

"He didn't!"

"He did. And now I'm heartbroken!"

"Are you going to speak now?"

"Speak now?"

"Yeah, speak now or forever hold your peace?"

"I'm not going to do that."

"At least go to the wedding. Show Jane that you do what you want. I'll even come with you."

"All right. You know this means we have to go shopping, right?"

"That's why I offered." I laughed at my best friend.

~X~

I curled my long brown hair and pulled on my new blue dress. It was floor-length and strapless. Honestly, it looked like a prom dress. I loved it! I added the diamond necklace that Jesse got me for my birthday and the matching earrings that Quinn and Puck gave me. They were the only ones from McKinley that I still talk to. Finn and I dated junior year, we didn't' stay together. Let's just leave it at that. I grabbed my strappy silver slingbacks and was ready to go.

Quinn looked stunning in her deep violet dress. It was slightly sparkly and had thin straps. It also cut off at the knee. She had amethyst earrings and necklace, along with her new engagement ring from Puck.

We got there twenty minutes before the ceremony began. We sat in the back, where few people would see us, especially not Jane or her bitchy bridesmaids. As we walked in, we heard her yelling at 'Samantha.' Her snobby family was sitting in the front, dressed in ugly pale yellow, talking loudly about how uncomfortable the seats were and how ugly Jesse's family was. His sister, Arianna, or Ari was actually very beautiful. She had Jesse's curly hair and eyes and could sing as well as her older brother.

Soon, Jesse and a few guys I didn't know walked out. They stood up at the front. I turned my head, so he didn't see my face. Then, the music started. It sounded like a death march. Jane turned and spotted me with a glare as she walked toward the man I loved. Her dress reminded me of some puffy pastry. Jesse had a look of melancholia on his face, like he was wishing it was me.

Their vows hurt. Jane's didn't even say anything about how much she loved him. Stupid girl. Then, the preacher said the words.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace." Time was running out, it was my last chance. I stand up with shaky hands and every eye turns to me. I get horrified looks from everyone, but I'm only looking at him.

_"I'm not the kind of girl who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion. But you are not the kind of boy who should be marrying the wrong girl. So, don't say yes, run away now. I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the backdoor. Don't wait, or say a single vow. You need to hear me out. And they said 'speak now.'" _I sang the Taylor Swift song. I was Rachel Berry, I loved to sing. Jesse opened his mouth.

**"Let's run away now. I'll meet you when I'm out of my tux at the backdoor. Baby, I didn't say a vow. So glad you were around, when they said 'speak now.'" **He sang back. He ran to me and grabbed my hand and we ran out of the church with Quinn following behind.


	17. Swallowing My Pride

Swallowing My Pride

_~X~_

_The last time, that you saw me,_

_Is still burned in the back of your mind._

_You gave me roses,_

_And I left them out to die._

_~X~_

I dialed his number and felt a great deal of apprehension when you finally picked up.

"Rachel? Why are you calling me?" I could hear the extreme pain in his sexy voice.

"Can we talk? Some neutral ground?" he sighed.

"Meet me at Rosie's in ten." I got to Rosie's and he was already there. Rosie's was a coffeehouse. We used to go there frequently when we were dating. I ordered my usual and sat down at our table, trying not to cry. He walked in then. It was the first time I'd seen him in months. He looked…_awful_. There were dark circles around his eyes, as if he'd broken a nose recently, but I knew that wasn't it. Did he _miss_ me or something? No, Rachel, don't hope, I chided myself.

"I'm really glad you took the time to see me." he shrugged. "How's life? How's your family? I haven't seen them in a while." He scowled at me.

"They're good. I've been busy. I finished school, you know."

"I know. Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?"

"Cut the bull, Rachel."

"Fine. I wanted to apologize, Jesse." I stood up. "I was scared. I was too prideful. So I'm standing here showing you that I don't care about any of that anymore."

"It's been six months. You broke my heart. I gave you roses, and you threw them back at me."

"That doesn't mean I don't think about it, or regret it. I may be 'free' like I wanted, but I just miss you. I wish I'd realized this sooner. I wish I realized what I had when you were mine. I think about it all the time. I don't sleep, I just replay it in my mind."

_*Flashback*_

"_I love you," He said as he handed me the roses._

"_I…I can't do this." The roses slipped out of my hands and fell to the ground._

"_What?" he was clearly shocked._

"_I think it's going too fast. I feel like I'm losing myself. It's too much, I'm sorry." I walked away._

_*End Flashback*_

"I think about summer. Laughing at you, realizing I loved you. And I remember the cold, the fear it brought with it. I miss your skin, how it smells, how it feels against mine. I miss your smile, how you sing, how it made me feel when you said my name. You were so good to me and I was terrible about it. Look, I remember that night, last September, when Dad died. You held me, let me cry. It was the first time I'd ever shown emotion like that. If you let me, I'd love you right this time."

"I'd go back and time and change it, but I can't. So if you can't forgive me, I understand. In my head, I go back to December and I change what I did, what I decided. I do it all the time, Jesse."

"I don't know, Rachel. You hurt me. And you waited six entire months to apologize. Do you even know what you put me through?"

"No. I know what I put myself through."

"Stop making it all about you!"

"Fine! Do you want me to sing about it? About how sorry I am?"

"Yes, please do."

"All right. This is a song that sums up my feelings _perfectly._"

_I'm so glad you made time to see me.  
How's life, tell me how's your family?  
I haven't seen them in a while.  
You've been good, busier than ever.  
We small talk, work and the weather  
Your guard is up and I know why._

Cause the last time you saw me  
Is still burned in the back of your mind.  
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,  
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,  
And I go back to December all the time.  
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,  
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.  
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.  
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping  
Staying up playing back myself leaving,  
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.  
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times  
I watched you laughing from the passenger side  
Realized that I loved you in the fall.  
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.  
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.

So this is me swallowing my pride,  
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.  
And I go back to December all the time.  
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,  
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.  
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.  
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right,  
And how you held me in your arms that September night,  
The first time you ever saw me cry.  
Maybe this is wishful thinking,  
Probably mindless dreaming  
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't  
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,  
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,  
And I go back to December.  
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,  
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.  
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.  
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.  
I go back to December all the time.

All the time

"Look, Rachel, I love you, I always have, but I can't trust you. You have to earn that. I'll give you a chance, but it's your last one. Screw it up and we are over."


	18. Trailer

Hey, I'm sorry this isn't an update, but I have something IMPORTANT to tell you.

Check out this:

http:/alyxandraharvey(DOT)com/drake-chronicles-contest/comment-page-2/#comment-6222

It's the trailer for Alyxandra Harvey's Hearts at Stake

PS: If you haven't read these books, you need to!


End file.
